MANdate: WONDERing what's going on?

Hello, blogosphere!
Wow, that was way nerdy.  


Anyway, last night I had the extreme fortune of getting to preview Broadway's newest fabulocity:

STARRING

None other than über talented besties:

MIM

and 

LoPro!

How lucky am I?  Not only do I get to see a wonderful, magical new show on the Broadways, but I also get to look down and watch [with extreme admiration and pride] two of my amazeballz friends....and some other random, talented people n' stuff.  And, I also got to enjoy it with another fab and sassylicious friend o' MIM, the Great Worthini.  We decided to treat ourselves to a nice, relaxing glass of white wine during intermission.  Here's what that looked like:

Feast your eyes upon the
Adult Sippy Cup

Ahh, wine with a lid and a straw.  Doesn't get much classier than that, now does it? 

So, get all your blog-reading asses down to Broadway and check out Wonderland, y'all!

And now, a weekend recap!

Well, after Thursday night's debauchery that led to some scandalous co-worker co-mingling (aack!), I was pretty 'zausted, but the show had to go on!  The show I'm referring to is the concert I had tickets to see with the always fabulous Dbots. So I dragged my haggard, hungover tush out and we marched ourselves over to the venue....only to discover the concert is actually TOMORROW night. Awesome sauce!  Dbots couldn't have apologized more while I couldn't have laughed any harder. Then, came easily the best quote of the night from her:  "Oh shit! I wore a rock show outfit on a non-rock show night."  This comment was ridic-amaze for two reasons: 1) it was said in total honesty 2) Dbots pretty much wears a rock show outfit EVERY day.  I love her to bits!

So, we proceeded on to her friend's private party upstairs at the super-hot-right-now, quite selective Jane Hotel. We were having a fine time drinking, chatting and lounging on our plush maroon velvet couches when, suddenly, a snooty, gender-ambiguous staffer informed us we needed to relinquish our seats as they were reserved for a private party.  To which Dbots indignantly retorted, "um, HELLOO, we ARE at a private party??!"  Man-girl then replied "Yaaah, well it's for Aaaashley Olsen's birthday." YES.  You are correct.  Ashely Olsen. As in one-half of Michelle Tanner.  And within moments, BOTH Mary-Kate, Ashley and their entourage had moved into our seats and were smoking cigarettes like...well, like that's something that's ALLOWED in NYC?

When I bitched about how, apparently if you're an Olsen, you can kick people out of seats and smoke indoors to a nearby gaybor, he then pointed out "Yeah, but you also look like a blonde Yoda."  

  Well-played, sir. Well-played.

And this now concludes our Full House segment of today's post.

In other man news...

Recall how I mentioned in my last post that SoCal and I had bought tickets and made an actual date to go to an event together next week? 

Well, as I was racing (in heels) to an early [ok, 9am-- but STILL!] voice-over record yesterday, I got a text from SoCal telling me more tickets were being released to this weekend's LCD Soundsystem show that we've both been dying to go to at 10am and could I also try to get them.  We both logged on at 9:59a and looks like the rock gods were smiling down on our dear SoCal, since he got tickets to Saturday night's huge show at MSG!  So...now, Mr. Sporadic n' me have TWO, count 'em: TWO dates to events ONE day apart from each other.  Funny how stuff just works out.  Should be a very interesting experiment, you know, actually spending time, sorry- CONSECUTIVE time together. Can't wait to report back!  

Other than that, I had yet another bad online first-meeting drink date Saturday night that isn't even worth mentioning. However, if you too have been dabbling in some online people-shopping, here's a helpful article to check out about The ABC's of Online Dating.

Go get 'em, tigresses! ROWR!

BeautyFull Friday: Walk The Line (+ a MANdate)

It's Friday and it's time for everyone to embrace something many chicks fear:

EYELINER

Yes, it's annoying, messy and frustratingly hard to not screw up and/or have two completely different-looking eyes.  Not a good look, btw.  
But, if you must line those peepers (and really, sometimes you MUST), here's the best thing I've come across thus far:

LANCOME ARTLINER

It's a liquid eyeliner in a super easy to maneuver felt-tip-like pen!

So go ahead, girls. Get catty!

How bout a mega-fast MANdate? 

El Senor
He's still working at my agency and on Wednesday asked if I wanted to join him for lunch.  It was raining and I was bored, so I said yes.  Here is a conversation had at the table:
HIM:  "Leensey, jor boobs look really beeg today."
(It's true. They did. Excellent bra/top combo.)
ME:  "Wow, how nice of you to say."
HIM:  "Why so beeg? Eees it liiike....jor period or someting?"
ME: "Are you f'king serious right now with this?"
HIM: "C'mon, eets jus ju!"  (I think this means like "no big deal, we're cool."??)


I informed him we really need to work on his filter.


During lunch I definitely confirmed we have nothing (except advertising) in common and that's really not enough.  Plus homey actually has quite the ego when it comes to that. Bleech.
He did pay for my lunch-- wouldn't even let me try.  But still.
Then, as we walked back to work he spit his gum out, caught it on his foot, and kicked it into a puddle.  Damn soccer player.  It definitely made me laugh, but at this point, I see a "friend status only" in his immediate futura. Lo siento, El Señor.


6'6 
We've been texting back and forth all week and Weds am I woke up to a text from him asking when he was going to see me.  He suggested Thursday.  I told him Thursday would be perfect as I had a party to swing by first and he could be my excuse to get outta there.
Didn't hear back from him again, but didn't think much of it.  
Thursday I put on a sexy pencil skirt and 4incher booties and was ready to rock. 
-Didn't hear from him all day.
-Finally checked in with him around 6p.
-No response back.
-EVER.
What the hell is with this flake-o-rama???  SO over it.  Pretty bummed too.  Why would this dooshby go to all the trouble to call/txt me if he had no intention of ever meeting me?
Next!


So, I proceeded to:
-Go to an industry party
-Spend a crazy amount of time with 2 separate guys at different points of the night only to later discover they were:
1) engaged 2) practically engaged.
-Got amazingly bombed on free drinks.
-Aaaand...hooked up with a guy...who I work with. 
OOPSIE.


I must say, it was quite a surprise as I've always thought he was kinda cute but never really considered him in that way.  But after spending the latter portion of the night with him, and having a great time, I figured why not explore the make-out. And it was GREAT. Like, GRRREAT.  Strong, confident, totally unexpected. 
And, I think it will be okay at work. [I think]. So far, so good.


SoCal
Ladies and gentlemen, we have PLANS on the calendar!  
Granted, they're not until like 2012. Okay, first week of April.  Anyway, feels far away but it's a really cool, unique event called Sleep No More.  Anyone ever been/heard about it?  His suggestion for us to go, and that's the soonest date we could make work for both of our schedules.  So, looks like SoCal is in for a cool event and then, a post-event in which I lay down some truth on him.  Ironic, our biggest event thus far could very well end up being our last.  But that's a risk I'm willing to take.  I have to.  Enough is e-freaking-nuff!


Ok, I got about 3 hours of horrific sleep last night and I'm fairly certain I look like a bonafide homeless person.  So it's either pick up some malt liquor in a brown bag or try to go home and take a nap before another night out begins.


Happy Weekending, internet lovers!  Love you. Mean it.

MANdate: Some serious MANanigans.

Yesterday, totes miz rainy Monday.  
As if Monday needed help sucking any worse? 


Meanwhile, mid-day, SoCal POKED me on FB.  Um, helloooo....2008 called, they want their POKE back. 
So, I resisted as long as I could, and then eventually I txted him and gave him shit for that.  We then txtchanged for a bit and i found out he's still been sick, cancelled his snowboarding trip (therefore was in town all weekend...hmmm), his dog got into a fight with another dog and had to be at the vet, and I get a poke (of the virtual variety) on a Monday.  SUPER.


I think it's safe to say I've truly never experienced a guy playing things as odd as this one has.  And, if he ever actually askes me to hang out again, I cannot wait to tell him all of this to his face.  For realises, y'all.  Just standby, cause that's gonna be a GOOD event. Confession:  I'm kind of just playing along at this point so I can finally make it to the next phase.  Not gonna lie, I kinda wanna see him sweat! The heat is on.....


Also yesterday, El Señor popped in during work and asked if I wanted to go to 'Bucks across the street for a coffee break with him.  Even though my stomach was stil not feeling so hot, I decided one coffee break wouldn't kill me.  So we sat and talked for a few.  Honestly, the more we talk, the less I feel.  I'm actually starting to think we have NO chemistry [in any other way than kissing].  It's muy weird.  So he's telling me about how he's been hating being sick because he can't go to the gym. I told him I also wanted to go to the gym today, but my stomach's really bothering me and I don't think I can.  His response? (Please read in spanish accent otherwise it's nowhere near as hilballz):
"Jus poop.  Then, ju can go to workout."


REALLY???


Now I dont know about y'all, but that sounds like sexy some pillow talk to me.  
Oh, no. 
NO IT DOES NOT.


I know it's now officially Spring.  
Perhaps I need to do some Spring cleaning....of the MAN variety.


Ay Caramba.

Dating story #46, Oooh! Ouch! My ass!

Why does my ass hurt, you ask?  If you're thinking the gross thing I'm worried you're thinking, you should point a shameful finger at yourself and then go suck on a bar of soap.  NOT IT!

My ass hurts because I've finally hit ROCK BOTTOM.

I assume now you're asking, "Bad weekend, Lindsey?"

Actually, no.  It really wasn't. Some drinking, outing, and fun was had.  But overall, it was kind of a BUST.

FRIDAY

Tennis mit Zee German?  Nein! No go.  He cancelled due to a hurt back.  Whatever.  It was 70 degrees out and not a lot could bring me down. Plus, he even called and apologized and was super sweet about it.  Didn't matter- I had a lovely day of shopping in my neighborhood and just walking around. Okay, I might have even skipped once or twice.  I swear, the sun and warmth just does something to my Vitamin-D deficient Southern self.  

And it gave me a chance to pick up all the necessary ingredients to make Cucumber Margaritas [Dangit! Forgot to take pics] for my girl's [+ BFWB, obvs] pre-party before Drummer Boy's concert that night. Apparently, those margaritas are STRONG. Want evidence?

milkshakes n' beer with J-Bods

crazy shirtless headliner, PUI

awesome, sober photography with A-Ward

actually good pic with the Kels!

Unfortunately I can't post pics of Drummer Boy's band playing, cause that would possibly be crossing the line, but I must say, THEY WERE FRICKIN' GREAT!  Seriously, I had no expectations since I had heard their music online and it's really not my taste.  But playing live, they were tight, energetic, super fun, totally had the crowd engaged, jumping, dancing...well, he looked pretty freakin' HOT doing it.  I forgot what a turn-on musicians playing music can be for me. Oh dear.  AND, as they were taking their bow and saying good-byes, he pointed right at me and smiled! I thought "was that at ME?" to myself, and then BFWB yelled into my ear "Yo! You just got a shout-out!!" So far, great night.  I talked to him [Sort of. I'm preeetty sure he was sufficiently wasted. Or stoned. Or...something] for a bit after the show, during the crazy weird shirtless band's set, and we made plans to meet up at the after-party. Aaaand....that never happened.  They went to Brookland to unload their gear and apparently one band member got into something with another and kicked a window out of the van??  Ugh. BOYS.  "Lindsey, perhaps you need to refer back to blog posts #1 and #2?"  Can any good ever come from hanging out with musicians??? Granted, Drummer Boy was not the one who did this, but still.  This is the company he keeps.  What a bunch of douchecakes. Luckily, what DID happen was me eating my weight in some kind of sliders, french fries and really, really brown beer [see picture above].

BUST #1 OF THE WEEKEND:  Passed out on top of sheets, alone, in dress, boots and full makeup. Awe. Sum.  

SATURDAY

Met up with good friend Chanty in the East Village for brunch insanity at Northern Spy. Allow me to introduce you to my 2 new favorite words:  Butter. Biscuits. 

Butter biscuits, allow me to introduce you to my thighs.

Make no mistake, these evil creatures are the size of my hand and easily have an entire stick of butter apiece.  And they're served with some RIDIC apple-cinnamon jam thingie ahhhhh I am still salivating!!

Later, I spoke with my good friend, The Streak [Hieee!] and he offered to help install my new most bananas distraction of life: The Roku. Thanks to this tiny, demonic device I stayed up till 2am last night watching episodes of "Jersey Shore" I've never seen. It RULZ!  And was super nice of The Streak to help install it, so I told him I'd treat him to dinner before we ventured to BFWB's party. 

We had a supa' fun time at yummy, cool Nolita pizza joint, L'asso [Sidebar: this may soon turn into a food blog?] What more can I say about The Streak? We always have a great time together (or at least I do), conversation is never dull or stalled for a minute, so...? Sigh. I just want him to feel comfortable around me and I can't tell if he feels any pressure/still "likes" me (you know, like LIKE likes me?) Ugh, please kill me now.  Why am I in high school hell?  

He left the party early, which I assumed he would since he's been working a ton and is still currently on his drinking hiatus.  I get it. Kind of. Sort of. Ok, no. I don't. 

And then, once at home...rock bottom happened:  

I finally had the "It's Saturday night at 2am-and I'm alone-freaking out-when will I ever find anyone who gives a shit about me-my gumball machine is rapidly running out of gumballs-I have so much to give and no one to give it to" sobbing on the side of the bathtub moment. Double Awesome!  

BUST #2 OF THE WEEKEND:  Passed out on my couch, alone, Roku remote in one hand, spoonful of crunchy peanut butter in the other.

SUNDAY

Woke up, realized I was fine and had a rare drama moment, that-- let's just be honest here--is probably the first of a few to come in the future. I'm fine. Life is fine. I'm a lucky person and I've got great friends and family and, hopefully I won't have to grow old and alone with cats because, I HATE cats.  

I was just about to go for a run, when lo and behold, a boy CALLED me.  It's a new boy who's also been totally wishy washy because we haven't met yet.  I'm sick of Match and I've decided to experiment with another site called HOW ABOUT WE...? I find it intriguing because it's more of an activity-based thing where you post date ideas and see who's into it, eg: "How about we...go see an indie music show at Bowery Ballroom?"

I connected with this guy last week and it seems very promising. We'll call him 6'6, because, YES, he's 6 freaking 6!  And, funny. And, seemingly cute [from his 1 picture], and we both have the same obscure most-watched movie: "Better Off Dead."  RANDOM!

I haven't mentioned 6'6 yet because there's been nothing to mention.  We tried to connect last weekend but it didn't work out.  Then, I didn't hear from him at all so I sent him another message Friday saying, due to his height and humor, I refused to let him become yet another internet flake.  This worked. He liked my confidence and started texting me again.  We texted late on Saturday night, mostly just funny bullshit.  

Sunday, I woke up thinking about him [after laughing at my dramatic bathroom outpouring from Saturday night].  I had made plans to go meet some friends in Brookland Sunday afternoon and contemplated texting 6'6 since he lives there too.  But before I could, he CALLED.  And we had an awesome, hilarious conversation.  This could really have potential...IF. I. EVER. MEET. HIM.  

We talked about meeting yesterday night, but he got stuck at work. And I got stuck at fried japanese food and Jersey Shore and horrific stomach pain, so it all worked out the right way.  We texted until late last night, and now...we wait.

He's on a quick business trip today, and he mentioned meeting up to do something [possibly heroin-- funny!] later in the week.  So I guess I have to exercise my worst quality, patience, and just sit on my in-pain, rock-bottom ass and see what happens.
  

BUST #3 OF THE WEEKEND:  [just to re-iterate] Passed out on my couch, alone, hungover from day-drinking Sauv Blanc, watching Jersey Shore and eating all-fried sushi which led to Level 10 stomach issues.

I really had such high hopes for this weekend!  Maybe that was my first problem?  I should really try setting the bar lower from now on.  

At least today wasn't a cold, rainy Monda-- Oh wait. It was.

SIGH.

But, ever the optimist, I am going to send good vibes--nay--WILL them to happen.  So here's to, like, the awesomest week ever.  And, at least we can always look forward to Friday. Friday. Friday.

Hola, Friday!

Well pretties, we made it!  FRIIIIIDAAAY!  

But not just ANY Friday.  This kind of Friday:

That's right.  The weather gods/Buddha/Charlie Sheen have decided to throw us a frickin' bone after our winter suffers.  Sure, it's probs just a one day tease.  But this vitamin-D deficient Texas flower will take it!  

When I saw this was the forecast, I instantly thought "must. do. something. outside."  I've been jonesing to play some tennis all winter long, so I decided (on a total whim) to reach out to Zee German via FB and see if he was down for tennis-town. Oh, and in case you're wondering, nothing ever transpired between me n' Zee German, and I actually think we should just be friends anyway, so this could be the start of something good. Despite him being quite tall and very good-looking, I never quite felt the "spark" between us....and kind of even got an almost gay/bi vibe from him. Buuut, maybe that's just his Euro-ness?

Anybutt, when I mentioned this idea to him early in the week he seemed intrigued and said to keep him posted.  He even did research on where we can play at this time of year.  Meanwhile, I realized I had worked out a solid 5 times in a row in 5 days this week.  So, seeing that SoCal happened to be online [what? It just popped up there in my home page.  I'm not a stalke--okay. I sorta am. SUE ME!]  So I posted on FB: 

"5 tough workouts 5 days in a row. And...I'm spent! Until maybe tennis tomorrow..."

5 minutes later-

SoCal comment:  You go guuuurl.

[weird! but I'll take it].  And, why is homeboy suddenly interested in my goods? 

Then, an hour later-

Zee German comment: Tennis it is. Just emailed you.

HOT DAMN! That means, SoCal also saw that comment by Zee German since we were all in zee same chain.  And, that also means SoCal gets to see that a very hot guy is playing tennis with me. And that's gotta at least instill some curiousity/doubt/jelousy(?) in him.  And LINDSEY LIKES THIS. 

Can we now please discuss:

a) how unbelievably LAME I am?

b) once again marvel at the role FB plays in my social/dating life?

c) I don't really have a C, but you need at least 3 things to have a proper "list."

Moving on....

I finally saw/spoke with El Señor yesterday at work. I must say it's really interesting to see someone in a place of business when your only experience with them has existed in dark, sexy bars.  It's almost like you both have to play a different version of yourself until the work spell is broken and normal life can happen again.

After I chatted with him in his office, I went back to my cave and we began chatting on FB [please, someone start counting the # of FB mentions in this post. Disgusting]. Amidst the idle chatter, HIM: "You look prettier in person than in your pictures."  To which I naturally responded, "So, you think I look ugly in my pictues?"  HIM: "Aye, you women, I do nothing right." ME: "Calm down, I know you MUST think I look pretty enough in my pictures, since you picked me up on FB by looking at them!"  AHAHAHA, I kinda cracked myself up there.  Clearly I am not that into this guy because I will basically just say whatever comes into my whacko head.  Or maybe he just brings that out in me.  Either way, it was an amusing part of my day!

ON DECK FOR THE WEEKEND:

* Tennis time mit Zee German today.  Did I mention he's, um, a former PRO TENNIS player and I'm...just kinda decent? This should be totally comfortable.

*  Drummer Boy's band's big show tonight at the very legit Highline Ballroom, complete with posse of young, gorg and fun-lovin wing-women.

* Party at BFWB's apt Saturday night that The Streak [if you're reading this, hiiieee!] has said he'll be attending. Maybe some questions will be answered?  Or, maybe I'll just drink myself silly and not worry about it.  

The possibilities are endless.

Happy weekending, best readers in the galaxy!

xoxo

MANdate: Oh, the irony!

TODAY:

* 2^nd day of El Señor working at el office.

* Wore an even BETTER outfit today.  

* Was told by two guys that I "looked hot." Okay, one was gay, but does that really matter?

* So, did I even SEE El Señor?  Nope. This is getting exhausting.  I feel the Lululemon pants and t-shirt coming on REAL soon. Screw this.

YESTERDAY:

* [backstory]:  Recently, BFWB told me it was time for me to write another song.  I then informed him that the one song I've ever written (aka my divorce anthem entitled "Man Up") was a fluke that happened on a random night after random inspiration. And, that would probably never happen again. 

*He then told me "tough shit," and to find some other inspiration.  And then, I did: SoCal.

I began mulling over his incredibly sporadic, confusing and wishy-washy behavior and somehow came up with a song I am pretty damn pleased with.  And, BFWB likes it too [so far], which is always the ultimate affirmation. 

* So, yesterday on FB I posted "A special shout-out to all the dbags in my life. Your dbaggery helped me write an awesome new song!"

* And, tonight in the ultimate irony of ironies, SoCal "liked" that post.

I wonder exactly whom he thinks I'm referring to...

You. Just. Have. To. Laugh.

Oh, Universe. You have one seriously wacktastic sense of humor. 

I hope you've sufficiently amused yourself.

You must be a dude.

BeautyFull Wednesday: Don't Be So Dirty.

Welcome to Wednesday! 
Ah, if only "hump day" had a different meaning...


At least we can make it a little more beautiful, right?  Or in this case, SMELL a little more beautiful.


First off, you should all be tres impressed that I'm about to blog about a perfume.  Why?  I mostly LOATHE them.  It's not even really that I hate them per se, but that I have a highly sensitive nose and find a large number of the fragrances the women of the world are taking a french whore-bath in to be an OLFACTORY NIGHTMARE.  
It even happened twice today: at Starbucks, I almost vomited on a woman's scrunchie [another cause for vomiting, actually] due to her fragrance scent I can best describe as "Spree candy + dirt." Bleech.
Then, during the hellacious spin class I opted to take after work, the chick spinning next to me was rocking some hideous floral explosion that I was basically EATING as I huffed and puffed through the class.  Neat-o.
But, one day when I collected on some of my free Sephora samples, I was given this:

CLEAN

in

outdoor shower fresh

If you are anything like me, you will love this scent.  What does it smell like?  Um, a clean fresh outdoor shower. Duh.  [No seriously, it DOES!]  PLUS, it's totally passed the man-test.  Perfume rarely even stays on my skin [am I perfume cursed???], but I'm always pleasantly surprised, after a hug or kiss with a dude, at their very positive reaction and affirmation that "mmm, I smell great!"  For realsies.  Don't believe me?  Check her out for yourself at a nearby Sephora or order online {here}.

Now, who wants a quick MANdate?

[quiet. you're getting one anyway].

As I mentioned in my last post, El Señor had so nicely informed me that he would be starting a freelance stint at my ad agency today.  

Whoa. Or, in Spanish, ¡whoa!

We ended up chatting [online] for almost an hour last night, which was funny and a little strange, but kind of nice since we are definitely still getting to know each other.  So, this morning I took extra time to get my pretty on, pick out a cute outfit, being mindful of heel height [El Señor is Mexican. 'nuff said. ps- that's not racist, just a fact].  

Worth it?

Well, as my friends and I used to say after a bust of a night out: "what a total waste of makeup and an outfit."  (Pretty good hair too, I might add!)  Yes, I'm alluding to the fact that I did not end up even seeing El Señor today. We did, however, chat [online] for awhile today, but he never requested I come up and say hi and I'll be damned if I was going to initiate that.  Ironically, I was upstairs at the end of the day, shootin' the shite with my bro's, a normal occurrence, and I caught a glimpse of him walking out of his office to get something.  So, I texted him "Nice glasses," since I've never seen him wear them before.  He wrote back "Stalker." Awesome.  I then informed him I had no idea where he was sitting and he happened to be passing through my hangout.  He wrote back "HAhah."  At least it wasn't "LOL." But still, no "Oh where are you? Come by!"  Kinda strange, but then again, he very well may be lotsa strange.  I still don't know yet.  I did discover he's not feeling well, so maybe that was it.  Tomorrow is a new day.  A new day of having to try to look pretty again....crap.

After my spin class tonight, my out-of-shape ass found itself cemented to my couch and involved in a heavy affair with Samsung, my TV.  Sure, Samsung is sharp and entertaining, not to mention quite submissive to my wants and needs AND even records the shows I want but...I was still in a bit of a dude funk.  Then, around 11p, I got a text from SoCal.  I hadn't heard from him since a brief text-change that was literally a week ago.  And, upon stalking his FB page a few/many times, noticed he hadn't updated anything since a week ago as well.  Clearly, as decided in my rational head, he had found himself a girlfriend and was most likely off frolicking with her, hence no time/need to update FB.  The text I got out of the blue tonight?

"I've been sick. :( How are you?"

Um...once again, SoCal? SoConfusing.

My desired response:

"Hey thanks for the random text, first telling me of your woes and then, secondarily, inquiring of my well-being. Plus, awesome emoticon! I WIN!"

Did I write that? Obvs not. 

But, seriously- um...what? Is that his idea of MANtenance? Don't get me wrong, I guess some MANtenance is better than none but...when it's potentially laced with a blatant appeal for some sympathy....ugh, I don't know.  

Either way, I have just re-affirmed my previous [and, apparently quite accurate] statement:

Never try to figure out what a guy is thinking. It is a game you will almost ALWAYS lose.  

So, as always, we'll have to see. Or, we won't.  But I guess no matter what happens, I'll smell AMAZING.

Dating story #45, When Worlds Collide.

Welcome back to Monday, now with 1 extra hour of daylight!  

Good thing I'm using mine to blog today. 

[It's still 40 degrees outside so I'd probably be doing this regardless]

The weekend? Uneventful. Mostly, anyway.  Oh, did I mention last Thursday's special guest appearance by none other than:

Drummer Boy

Last Thursday night was when it was absolutely POURING rain outside for hours.  I had considered going out that night, but after my trainer's ass-kicking and walking home in the rain, I decided it was the perfect night to be sofa roadkill.  It was nice- I showered, did my nails, caught up on some very important TV [ie Jersey Shore].  But, as I stared out at the deluge, I couldn't help but think to myself "Man, this would be the perfect night to be cuddled up on the couch with a guy."  Lo and behold, about 30 mins later I got a text from Drummer Boy.  Thank you, Universe!  I appreciate you actually doing something nice for me!  I guess maybe I was due for one, huh? 

So, poor little soaking wet Drummer Boy came over BEFORE midnight [a new record] and we had a glass of wine, all cozy on the couch.  And, he's not even as much of an r-tard as I had previously thought.  I mean, don't get me wrong-- this ain't no MENSA member either.  But we actually had a somewhat intelligent conversation and a lot of laughter.  Just what I needed on that night.  Kinda amazing how things work out every once in awhile.  And he's totally psyched that I'm rolling to his big show next Friday, night 4 chicks deep.  Should be a very interesting evening....

In other news, I hadn't heard much from:

El Señor since our feisty interlude last Friday, but of course, he's been traveling again. 

Until today, that is.  He hit me up over FB chat:

"Hey woman. I start at Euro tomorrow."

For those of you that don't know, Euro would be the ad agency I work for. As in, my place of business. That I spend all day long at. Awe. SUM.

I can't say this is completely shocking because he is a creative/copywriter, just like yours truly, and he's freelance, which means he can obviously appear at any agency at any time.  I just didn't expect him to be bringing his Latino flavor to MINE anytime soon!  Ah, the incestuousness of the ad industry.  Weeee!

At least I no longer work on the same floor that he'll be working on, but...this could definitely get weird.  Or, maybe not.  I guess only time will tell.  

Oh goody, I just realized now I have to start, like, caring more about how I look and stuff every day in case I run into him. [shit]

Wish me luck. Or, in this case, ¡suerte!

Ay caramba....

BeautyFull Friday: Is there life on NARS?

Good GOD Friday, where the hell have you BEEN all week?  
Cheeky little day, taking forever to come.
ROODE!
Which, btw, if you don't know where that comes from, please familiarize yourself, STAT, {here}


And now, let's beautify, shall we?


I'm basically obsessed with all things NARS, the amazing cosmetics line that makes a truly quality product, totally worth the price [which isn't really all that high].

First, and foremost:

NARS ORGASM ILLUMINATOR

This lovely, light-reflecting liquid gives skin an amazing luminocity.  I use it on my cheekbones on top of my bronzer to give me that glowy, "lit from within" look.  The best part is that it never looks sparkly or cheezy, just that nice, fresh-faced-maybe-just-worked-out kind of look. Two words: Sha. Zam! I am a fan of the "Orgasm" color, but I see they now have "Super Orgasm" so see which Orgasm is best for you. Um....yeah. 

SECOND ORDER OF BUSINESS:

My all-time favorite eyeshadow, Bohemian Gold

This picture I swiped from the interwebs is making it look kind of weird, but when combined, the palette makes the most lovely, natural-looking and (in my opinion), universally flattering eye.  In fact, I get complimented/asked what I'm wearing frequently.  It's def my go-to every day eye situation.  Unfortunately, since NARS likes to only keep their colors in store for limited times, you can only get this baby direct from their site {here}. Well-worth it, chickadees!

And now, I'd like to leave you with the WORD OF THE DAY:

MANtenance 

The simple act of maintaining contact with a girl you are involved with in between the times you see her.  Whether it be an email, text, tweet, FB something or, heaven forbid!, a phone call.  Just something to keep up your rapport and let her know you're still interested.

Usage in sentence:

"SoCal's lack of MANtenance is truly disappointing, confusing and/or stupid.  Why do I still like him?"

or

"Richie's overkill in the MANtenance department is not helping him out at all. I should never have given him my BBM."

See? Yeah of course you do. You're probably a chick and therefore vastly superior in most ways.

Happy Friday everyone...

Dating story #44, Revolving-Door Dudes.

Hello from mid-week with the weekend update!
**WARNING: this post is somewhat lengthy. You may need a snack or bathroom break in the middle of it.  Or to read it in two sittings.  Just an FYI.**


After my week's hiatus from drinking and going out [mainly due to some unfortunate food-poisoning], Friday night came around and I felt it was my duty to get back into the saddle.  Although I was feeling amazingly exhausted from a very early client meeting and all I wanted to do was nap.  Plus, I was trying to sell a couch from my 'cessories room (to make room for more 'cessories, duh).  I had craigslist flakes being, well, flaky and I was really a cranktastic mess. PMS undoubtedly had a hand in my bad personality as well, and I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do.  I realized that, the same as being in the pattern of always being out, staying in can breed more of wanting to stay in. I had to break this cycle!
FRIDAY NIGHT

El Señor.
He had been hitting me up over FB chat during the day and we had made a tentative plan to meet up. I couldn't tell him what I wanted to do because I was so tired and mean I knew I had to nap first and figure it out.  So he told me to txt him when I woke up.  
I woke up feeling even bitch-crankier but slowly came out of it as I sold my couch (yay!) and took a shower to improve my awfulness.  A little glass of wine and makeup brought me right back up to speed so I told him he could meet me at the wine cellar at Peasant [aka 'The Cave'] if he wanted a drink.  I like it because it's dark, sexy and half a block from my apartment.  So we met there and chilled at the bar for awhile.  I realized I don't always enjoy conversing with El Señor. Why? Here's an example:
HIM: [says something to me]
ME:  What? Really? No way that's not true.
HIM: Leensy, ju are so defensive!
ME: No I'm not! But I just don't agree with what you said!
HIM: {laughing} Haha, I like to fight. 
Ugh. Damn spicy Latinos.  
I will say he is completely at ease with himself and I like that kind of confidence.  The kind that looks at you and out of nowhere, and in mid-sentence, tells you how beautiful your eyes are and then leans in and kisses you right at the bar. And means it.  That's pretty cool.  But, that's about it.  And I'm thinking that's about it for El Señor.  He's kind of a shifty character and we just don't have enough intellectual chemistry for me to care about it. Moving on!
SATURDAY

The Streak.
*MAJOR BREAKING NEWS*
Last night, something happened to make me have the strange feeling that The Streak may have discovered this blog.  I wouldn't be surprised, seeing he is quite resourceful and gifted in all things internet.  However, this made me freak out a little.  And then, I didn't. Because I realized I've only said pretty nice- hell, flattering, things about him and they were all true.  My only concern is that a guy reading this blog might think that I am:
a) batshit crazy
b) batshit man-crazy
c) a dirty, dirty whore
But, I like to think I'm none of those.  Just a girl experiencing some things for the first time in life, making up for some lost time and reporting on it all to entertain herself and others.  I think it's also a form of therapy for me.  Either way, he doesn't seem to judge as he's still talking [ok, "chatting"] with me every day. So I will just say this: 
Dear The Streak,
If you have happened to stumble across this blog, I hope you found it amusing. And, I hope you know how much I actually like/care about you. AND, how much I think I would actually like to "see" you, like you indicated YOU wanted to do in those texts a few months back.  So, if you're reading this and still maybe-kinda-sorta feel that way, man up and do something about it!
Back to Saturday!
I traveled out to Brookland, Greenpoint to be exact, to meet The Streak at his favorite divey taco joint.  

¡Que authentico!

It was everything I had hoped it would be, and definitely felt nostalgic of my hometown, San Antonio.  I have to say, we had an awesomely delightful day. Or at least I did, anyway.  It's always interesting to spend face time during sober, daylight hours with someone you're used to only chatting with online or being stupid drunk with at 3am in a bar.  I guess it takes a bit to relax, but then you realize you're fine and roll with it.  
I didn't know if I should just bust back home after lunch, but he ended up taking me on a whole walking tour of Greenpoint, which included some CRAZYMAZING DONUTS.  The Streak is the devil!  Greenpoint is actually this really adorable, authentic Brooklyn neighborhood with tons of charming little places, dives and nooks and crannies to explore.  I can see why he is so in love with living there.  And I had a truly great time being toured around there with him. Nothing more than a friendly hug good-bye happened at the end of the day, which is totally fine. We definitely have a great personality connection and I think there may still be the potential to go beyond that, but I really have no idea where his head's at, and if I've learned anything in the past [and I HAVE], it's Never try to figure out what a guy is thinking. It is a game you will almost ALWAYS lose.  
But I left Brookland with a smile on my face and got right off the subway to a text from Sexy Sue saying she was at a bar in my neighborhood, so I went straight there, all the while thinking "I am really so freaking lucky to have such cool people in my life and have most of them so accessible.  I love NY."  This is what I like to call having an "I HEART NY" day.  They happen a lot, especially when the weather is nicer.  But they always do a great job of negating the "I HATE NY" days. Always.
SATURDAY NIGHT
First date with Richie, the foodie and constant food-industry jetsetter.  He took me to Blue Ribbon Sushi, thought by many to be amongst the best sushi in the city.
Upon arrival, I already noticed Richie is pretty un-tall. Now, many of you may think the tall thing is a "complex" I have or something. Not true. Like hair color or eye color, I just happen to find height attractive. And, I also like to wear heels and not feel like a member of the WNBA, dwarfing my poor tiny dates.  Sue me!
Not a total deal-breaker though, of course and I was interested in seeing what kind of chemistry we had during the meal.  The meal, btw, was OUT. FREAKING. STANDING. 

We sat at the sushi bar and he literally told them to just send us stuff.  Never looked at a menu. It was a BLAST.  I love a food adventure like that, and he was totally into the fact that I was into it too.  There was never a lag in the convo-- mostly because homey talks about as much as my Jewish ex-mother in-law, a near impossible feat.  Seriously, I could barley get a word in! I don't know if he was excited-- actually, yes I do know that.  Based on his multiple phone calls before the date as well as texts.  A lil' eager beaver, you know?  You gotta play it KINDA cool, brotha! But we had a very enjoyable date and he had to split early to catch an early flight to Austin the next am. So...Fun? Yes. Sparks? Meh. I'm gonna go with "notsomuch."  Sigh.
But- the night was young! 
I met back up with Sexy Sue and friends, who at this point, had been out drinking since roughly 5pm and were a source of complete hilarity. Those stumblina's and I then decided to stumble over to The Chef's restaurant, in hopes of being fed and watered at a discount. Success!  
However, I then realized that was also committing me to hang out with The Chef for the night. Oh.  I have finally come to the decision that this is no longer going to happen.  We don't even DO anything when he stays over-- SERIOUSLY! I always pass out on him and then he leaves the next day for work again. I feel like I'm running a youth hostile or something.  I can't keep letting this happen. And, I promise, I won't. He's a sweetie, but that's enough of that. I'm even really too tired/lazy to hotlink the Chef to his past stories. There's really no point!
MOVIN' ON!
SUNDAY

Drummer Boy.
Woke up Sunday to a text from him sent at 3:15a and all it said 
was "late night." I am pretty sure Drummer Boy's pretty little head is filled with rocks in lieu of brains.  I haven't seen him in awhile because I'm old and usually passed out by the time he hits me up.  However, I did get tix to his band's upcoming show, so that should be interesting. Who knows if we'll even hang out that night, but I like to support all musicians I know in the city. And, what the hell else do I have to do, right??

SoCal.
SoConfusing!!!!
Yes, I'm sure you're as surprised as I am to see him back.  Sunday was a miserable rainy day and I think my dating life and menses started to get the best of me. I was feeling totally sorry for myself and just unhappy for whatever reason. It's something that rarely happens to me [NEVER in the summer, I might point out!] so when it does, I'm allowed to sulk.  
I decided to post on FB some questions for the universe: 
Questions for the Universe: Where is the sun? When will it be summer? How is it possible I don't have tickets for The Stokes OR LCD Soundsystem? Why do you hate me?

Within 2 mins of posting that, SoCal commented [yes commented, not just "liked" it] I'm feeling the same hate, if it's any consolation... need those LCD tix!
SIDEBAR: Have you noticed how many of these dating stories have something to do with Facebook? It is so brain-boggling to me sometimes. Anyway...
Seeing that SoCal was online, I just sent him a simple chat that said "Misery loves company."  This ended up launching a whole FB chat session. He asked how I was, I told him great! busy busy! Blah blah blah and then he asked me what I was up to that rainy day.  I told him I had just worked out and was considering a movie.  He asked which movie and when I gave a vague answer about "so many movies I wanted to see" he told me to narrow it down. Um...why?  So I asked "why all the movie questions? are you interested in movie'ing or something?" He said he would be but he was doing laundry and had his soccer game uptown at 9pm, so if I'd be willing to come to his hood, then we should do it. 
No, I should probably not be indulging these kinds of invites.  
But I was all sad and sulky and this was definitely something to do, right?
He told me I should come to his apt first and have a glass of wine while he folds his laundry.  I was like "this better not be some ploy to have ME do your laundry!" He swore it wasn't and told me to come as soon as I could.  So, I hopped in the shower, attempted to look pretty and then went outside to get the pretty immediately rained the f*ck right off of me.  Seriously, NYC does NOT WORK in the rain. 45 minutes, two subway attempts, two soaking wet boots and a jacket hood that acted as a rainbucket later, I was finally almost there.  SHEESH!
I tried to repair the rain damage and hoped it looked more "sexy damp" than "wet dog."  He was immediately cute and warm with me when I walked in and immediately felt much more comfortable than any time before.  We hung out, played with his dog, and cuddled on the couch for a bit and then went to a funny(ish) movie, where we sat cozy-close to each other with his hand on my thigh. It felt like a REAL date and I must say, a super fun one.  Afterwards, we parted ways at the subway and I texted him later about something on tv and also thanked him for a fun rainy day. He wrote right back saying the same and also telling me they won their soccer game and he scored 3 goals. Cute, right?  So...
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE???? 
For real. I'm sure I won't hear from him again now in awhile.
It's not just a booty call- we actually hang out and TALK.
We have FUN.
He's intelligent.
Handsome.
Funny.
Successful.
I just really don't get it. And I'm kinda thinking I never will.  I think I'm officially signing off into the "aloof zone" on this one and seeing what will happen.  I just can't make any more effort here.  If this guy doesn't realize I'm somethin' a little less ordinary, then screw him. I just can't help but be a little sad about it...
So, now i'm off to drown my sorrows in some 

FRIED CHICKEN

heaven. help. me.