Monday, March 21, 2011

Dating story #46, Oooh! Ouch! My ass!

Why does my ass hurt, you ask?  If you're thinking the gross thing I'm worried you're thinking, you should point a shameful finger at yourself and then go suck on a bar of soap.  NOT IT!

My ass hurts because I've finally hit ROCK BOTTOM.

I assume now you're asking, "Bad weekend, Lindsey?"

Actually, no.  It really wasn't. Some drinking, outing, and fun was had.  But overall, it was kind of a BUST.


Tennis mit Zee German?  Nein! No go.  He cancelled due to a hurt back.  Whatever.  It was 70 degrees out and not a lot could bring me down. Plus, he even called and apologized and was super sweet about it.  Didn't matter- I had a lovely day of shopping in my neighborhood and just walking around. Okay, I might have even skipped once or twice.  I swear, the sun and warmth just does something to my Vitamin-D deficient Southern self.  
And it gave me a chance to pick up all the necessary ingredients to make Cucumber Margaritas [Dangit! Forgot to take pics] for my girl's [+ BFWB, obvs] pre-party before Drummer Boy's concert that night. Apparently, those margaritas are STRONG. Want evidence?
milkshakes n' beer with J-Bods

crazy shirtless headliner, PUI

awesome, sober photography with A-Ward

actually good pic with the Kels!
Unfortunately I can't post pics of Drummer Boy's band playing, cause that would possibly be crossing the line, but I must say, THEY WERE FRICKIN' GREAT!  Seriously, I had no expectations since I had heard their music online and it's really not my taste.  But playing live, they were tight, energetic, super fun, totally had the crowd engaged, jumping, dancing...well, he looked pretty freakin' HOT doing it.  I forgot what a turn-on musicians playing music can be for me. Oh dear.  AND, as they were taking their bow and saying good-byes, he pointed right at me and smiled! I thought "was that at ME?" to myself, and then BFWB yelled into my ear "Yo! You just got a shout-out!!" So far, great night.  I talked to him [Sort of. I'm preeetty sure he was sufficiently wasted. Or stoned. Or...something] for a bit after the show, during the crazy weird shirtless band's set, and we made plans to meet up at the after-party. Aaaand....that never happened.  They went to Brookland to unload their gear and apparently one band member got into something with another and kicked a window out of the van??  Ugh. BOYS.  "Lindsey, perhaps you need to refer back to blog posts #1 and #2?"  Can any good ever come from hanging out with musicians??? Granted, Drummer Boy was not the one who did this, but still.  This is the company he keeps.  What a bunch of douchecakes. Luckily, what DID happen was me eating my weight in some kind of sliders, french fries and really, really brown beer [see picture above].

BUST #1 OF THE WEEKEND:  Passed out on top of sheets, alone, in dress, boots and full makeup. Awe. Sum.  


Met up with good friend Chanty in the East Village for brunch insanity at Northern Spy. Allow me to introduce you to my 2 new favorite words:  Butter. Biscuits. 
Butter biscuits, allow me to introduce you to my thighs.
Make no mistake, these evil creatures are the size of my hand and easily have an entire stick of butter apiece.  And they're served with some RIDIC apple-cinnamon jam thingie ahhhhh I am still salivating!!

Later, I spoke with my good friend, The Streak [Hieee!] and he offered to help install my new most bananas distraction of life: The Roku. Thanks to this tiny, demonic device I stayed up till 2am last night watching episodes of "Jersey Shore" I've never seen. It RULZ!  And was super nice of The Streak to help install it, so I told him I'd treat him to dinner before we ventured to BFWB's party. 
We had a supa' fun time at yummy, cool Nolita pizza joint, L'asso [Sidebar: this may soon turn into a food blog?] What more can I say about The Streak? We always have a great time together (or at least I do), conversation is never dull or stalled for a minute, so...? Sigh. I just want him to feel comfortable around me and I can't tell if he feels any pressure/still "likes" me (you know, like LIKE likes me?) Ugh, please kill me now.  Why am I in high school hell?  
He left the party early, which I assumed he would since he's been working a ton and is still currently on his drinking hiatus.  I get it. Kind of. Sort of. Ok, no. I don't. 

And then, once at home...rock bottom happened:  
I finally had the "It's Saturday night at 2am-and I'm alone-freaking out-when will I ever find anyone who gives a shit about me-my gumball machine is rapidly running out of gumballs-I have so much to give and no one to give it to" sobbing on the side of the bathtub moment. Double Awesome!  

BUST #2 OF THE WEEKEND:  Passed out on my couch, alone, Roku remote in one hand, spoonful of crunchy peanut butter in the other.


Woke up, realized I was fine and had a rare drama moment, that-- let's just be honest here--is probably the first of a few to come in the future. I'm fine. Life is fine. I'm a lucky person and I've got great friends and family and, hopefully I won't have to grow old and alone with cats because, I HATE cats.  

I was just about to go for a run, when lo and behold, a boy CALLED me.  It's a new boy who's also been totally wishy washy because we haven't met yet.  I'm sick of Match and I've decided to experiment with another site called HOW ABOUT WE...? I find it intriguing because it's more of an activity-based thing where you post date ideas and see who's into it, eg: "How about we...go see an indie music show at Bowery Ballroom?"
I connected with this guy last week and it seems very promising. We'll call him 6'6, because, YES, he's 6 freaking 6!  And, funny. And, seemingly cute [from his 1 picture], and we both have the same obscure most-watched movie: "Better Off Dead."  RANDOM!
I haven't mentioned 6'6 yet because there's been nothing to mention.  We tried to connect last weekend but it didn't work out.  Then, I didn't hear from him at all so I sent him another message Friday saying, due to his height and humor, I refused to let him become yet another internet flake.  This worked. He liked my confidence and started texting me again.  We texted late on Saturday night, mostly just funny bullshit.  
Sunday, I woke up thinking about him [after laughing at my dramatic bathroom outpouring from Saturday night].  I had made plans to go meet some friends in Brookland Sunday afternoon and contemplated texting 6'6 since he lives there too.  But before I could, he CALLED.  And we had an awesome, hilarious conversation.  This could really have potential...IF. I. EVER. MEET. HIM.  
We talked about meeting yesterday night, but he got stuck at work. And I got stuck at fried japanese food and Jersey Shore and horrific stomach pain, so it all worked out the right way.  We texted until late last night, and now...we wait.
He's on a quick business trip today, and he mentioned meeting up to do something [possibly heroin-- funny!] later in the week.  So I guess I have to exercise my worst quality, patience, and just sit on my in-pain, rock-bottom ass and see what happens.
BUST #3 OF THE WEEKEND:  [just to re-iterate] Passed out on my couch, alone, hungover from day-drinking Sauv Blanc, watching Jersey Shore and eating all-fried sushi which led to Level 10 stomach issues.

I really had such high hopes for this weekend!  Maybe that was my first problem?  I should really try setting the bar lower from now on.  
At least today wasn't a cold, rainy Monda-- Oh wait. It was.

But, ever the optimist, I am going to send good vibes--nay--WILL them to happen.  So here's to, like, the awesomest week ever.  And, at least we can always look forward to Friday. Friday. Friday.


  1. It rained in New York yesterday too? It rained allll day in Phoenix yesterday. And not just any one part of Phoenix, but all of it--insanity!

    I hope your ass feels better soon!

  2. i can't believe you would even refer to that horrible song by she who shall not be named! she is killing me! but i love you and your blog!

  3. hugs and support for that sad moment. I totally feel you.

  4. Thanks for the support, all! AND, just to clarify for eM, I was 100% joking about that Friday-shite. PLEASE. MAKE. IT. STOP.

  5. I read your blog all the time, but I never comment. I have to say that song cracked me up, I couldn't turn it off. Who puts money into something like that?