Sorry for the epically long teaser, people! I literally came straight back from my hell-o-rado trip and straight to work. I'm pretty sure I've been here ever since. Including today, unGood Friday [for me], where most of my agency is off work, but not those of us lucky enough to be on this amazenutz new biz pitch! Weee! That's a very sarcastic "Weeee!" just fyi.
What the hell happened in Colorado, you'd like to know?
Here we go. As you may recall in a post from Colorado, I said I had "plans pending" with Boulder Boy. When he asked me what my weekend plans were and I asked if he "wanted to reserve me," he wrote back that he would and asked what the story was.
We both decided that I would probably be exhausted Friday night from skiing. So he asked if I was free Saturday night. I responded that we were doing an early Passover Seder (shh...don't tell God). I said he was welcome to join us, but I also totally understand if that's not quite in his agenda and, if that was the case, I could meet up later and was free all day Sunday, not leaving 'till Monday.
HIM: Lemme get back to you on Seder. How about Sunday for sure?
ME: Ha, promise you won't get the 3rd degree, but no pressure! Will def be done early if you're going out sat nite, otherwise Sunday for sure.
Then, in a shocking move:
HIM: Seder actually sounds fun. Lemme know details and what I can bring. Is your whole fam there or just your sister?
ME: Brave! I love it. :) It's my parents, sister and her bf. (Dealbreaker?) Always an amusing time though. Will get back to you about deets on sat...if the whole fam thing didn't scare you off yet...
HIM: Hilarious. Let's talk Sat. :)
So, that sent me into a total tailspin. Wasn't expecting that at all! But, I specifically didn't write it in my post from CO because I just had some feeling about it. About ALL of it, really. Like it was too good to be true or something.
SIDEBAR: When I showed his pic to my sister, she said "Ohh, I don't trust him. He's too pretty."
He and I continued to text sporadically on Friday. He asked me about how skiing was, etc. Steady stream of comm was happening. Then, in the afternoon he wrote
HIM: Hey, sorry for the in and out, but I'm gonna have to skip the Seder tom nite. Friend's bday party that I spaced on.
*I seriously was almost relieved by this-- thoughts of what my family might do to destroy this situation had danced in my head for about 12 hours and this was like the universe confirming that.
ME: No worries at all. Like I said, we'll be done on the early side. Are u going out in Denver or Boulder? I may need to have some "family separation time" after that.
*My ultimate strategy/goal was to meet him in Boulder sat night and have a lovely slumber party into a lovely Sunday together, preferably in the gorgeous sunshine they were having.
HIM: Funny, I can only handle about 48 consecutive family hours before I start to snap. :) We'll be out in Boulder, but I think Sunday will be better for me.
ME: Ugh, I'm seriously looking for the EJECT button right now. Glad I'm not alone. ;) I'm up for whatever, just keep me posted...
I then proceeded to agonize whether my last text could have been misinterpreted. Did he think I meant "ugh" to him? Like as in "you're not rescuing me?" Luckily, Jendel and MIM talked me and my Colorado Crazies off the mountain. I seriously have never, EVER been this bigigitty about a guy! What was going on here? I think just being in this semi-isolated, 5th wheel in the family situation [plus skiing + passover + my mom] was adding to my overall insanity. I mean, really. This is NOT me! A reader even pointed it out in a very tough love comment, and I couldn't argue with a lot of what she said! Who was I becoming?
Saturday night, I could barely sleep. Ridic! I just had this feeling that I wasn't going to hear from him. "Sunday for sure" or not, I was just anxious and nothing was helping. Finally around 7am, I got up and starting doing work for this nutballz new biz pitch. Everyone was already in the office [yes, on a sunday] and sending emails for hours, so I joined in the effort. I knew it would help me out both occupationally and possibly emotionally.
Around 9am, I got up and went up to the lovely fitness center in my sister's building. I had a nice long workout and that really helped. I told myself that I'd hear from Boulder Boy-- why wouldn't I? I mean, he almost came to SEDER for crissake!
At 11am, we watched the Spurs playoff game. I also helped them solve the mystery of "who's bass is that coming through the walls of our apartment?" by Nancy Drew'ng myself around all floors of their building until I found it. I literally did anything I could to keep my mind off wondering when I'd hear from him.
After discussions with Jendel & MIM, we all agreed that if I hadn't heard from Boulder Boy by 2p, then maybe he was waiting to hear from me, since I was on a family vacay after all. And, it would be fine to send a breezy text. So, I did.
ME: Hey! Still down to hang today?
as in, NOTHING.
RADIO F'KING SILENCE!!!!!
And that, my friends, is the story of the most confusing thing a boy has ever done to me.
Around 5pm, after feeling nauseous for hours, I decided F'k it. I'm calling. What do I even have to lose at this point? I just want to see if this douche canoe has the stones to even answer the phone.
But, it actually made me feel better. Okay, just a smidge, but still. That was something.
I then went for a walk by myself. Bought a pack of cigarettes. Smoked about 6. [UGH.] Called and changed my flight for the first one out in the am. And then called Mon.
We haven't spoken about the situation, really, at all. She's not your average gooey, ga ga girlfriend who wants to know all those details. She basically helped put it together and then spaced out. She also went on a trip to Spain right after that.
But I needed some answers. Did he have a girlfriend? Am I insane??
She said she had heard that we hung out a few times. I asked how she knew that-- did Boulder Boy tell Ry (her bf, his bff) that? She said well, actually Boulder Boy and Ry had hung out the last night he was in town, the night I came to his hotel to meet up with him after his CLIENT DINNER. I guess he did go to a client dinner, but then went out with the boys which is why (I'm assuming) he tried to cancel/postpone our plans to CO that night, since he wanted guy time. But since I had no problem coming over later (thinking he was just at a late night client dinner), he did both. And, apparently, they all ran out of the hotel room minutes before I go there.
Now, does any of this really even mean anything? No. Not really. Just that he wasn't completely truthful about that. And I think it also confirms that he's probably way more of a player than I thought. Of course, if it LOOKS like a player, and DRESSES like a player, I know, I know... but there was just something different here.
I KNOW there was.
I have good intuitions. And I think I'm a pretty good judge of character.
Where did this go wrong?
All I know is the instant I was in the car headed to the airport to come back to NYC, I felt better. I just needed to leave it all there. Return to life. Reality. I guess that was all just fantasy. But I don't think I'll ever really understand it. Especially seeing as
a) We had THREE great almost consecutive nights in NYC
b) He said "See you next week in Colorado?" before leaving.
c) He considered coming to Seder
d) we have mutual friends. I'm not just some random skank he met in a bar.
The good news is, I feel much more like ME again.
The bad news is, this is still kinda nagging at me. In fact, this am I thought about possibly [POSSIBLY, ok?!] sending him a text over the weekend:
"So...I'm just curious as hell about what happened last Sunday. You can think I'm just another crazy chick if you want, but I just really like honesty. So give it to me. I'm a big girl, I can take it..."
Scenario 1: He won't write back, which puts me pretty much exactly where I am.
Scenario 2: He will and maybe I can get some understanding and some closure on this.
Either way, do I really have anything to lose at this point?
Thoughts/suggestions? Send away, readers!!!
CALM DOWN, CHICKADEES. I AM NOT- REPEAT, NOT, PLANNING ON SENDING THAT TEXT. I REALLY NEVER WAS, IT WAS A FLEETING THOUGHT I BLOGGED ABOUT. AND, DUE TO A) MY OWN COMMON SENSE [YES, I HAVE A SHRED] AND B) OVERWHELMING READER RESPONSE, I SHAN'T BE TEXTING. AND, ACCORDING TO MANY OF YOU, I MAY ALSO NEED MAN BOOKS AND SEMINARS BEFORE I EVER DATE AGAIN BECAUSE I CLEARLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING.
ps- love y'all. xoxo