Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Dating story #50, Attack of the Cling-ons.

Hellooo blogland!

So sorry for the crazy lag-times lately between posting, but I'm still recovering from the damage my job did to me the last few weeks.  I actually took Thursday and Friday off and stayed in bed for a majority of BOTH! And wouldn't you rather read one, epically long-ass post every few days anyway? {please pretend, thank you.}
Of course, I had to go out Wednesday night to celebrate my fab friend Tata's bday [since I'd help plan it]. Besides, it was an after-work sitch and I figured a few beers and then off to snoozeville I'd be.  How silly of me!
It was a lovely, legs-out kind of night and, even though it began to get a wee bit nip-ly, we all carried on in the garden area of my good ol' LES standby, The Sixth Ward. And, there was even some cute fresh meat there [score!], in the form of some dude editors from an edit facility that just so happens to throw GREAT industry parties. [double score!] 
In fact, said editor-dudes even convinced me to embark on a journey known as "The Beer Tower" with them.
And so the adventure began. As did my convo with editor-dude we'll refer to as Walken. Why Walken, you're wondering?  Well, homeboy had an interesting Christopher Walken-like cadence to his style of talking and when I called him out on it, he launched into one of the best impersonations I've heard to date. So there! 
So Walken and I proceeded to chat it up for quite awhile and he seemed pretty in. Especially when we exchanged numbers as we talked about movies and he said he would like to take me to one. Well, alrighty!  
Then, the night took an interesting turn. And by "interesting," I mean "karaoke."  And by "karaoke," I mean a roomfull of drunky-drunk boys ordering shots and ordering ME to keep singing. Yeah, yeah, I like to sing. I sing in a band.  However, I LOATHE karaoke. I can't explain it, but it's too much pressure, you never know if the key will work out, people expect you to be amazing but really, everyone likes it WAY better when people suck and are hilarious at it. Wah waah.  
Finally, everyone seemed to have stumbled out of that bar leaving Walken and I there to finish our drinks.  So, we sat at the bar and kicked it for a little longer. He begged me [seriously- BEGGED] me to sing another song, so I obliged. I decided to keep it klassy with a little Divinyls "I touch myself." Hey, when it's 2am and someone is making you sing, go with what you know.
He. LOVED. It.
As in hard-smooched-me-on-the-mouth after I was done. Aight!
We then realized we were in a state of severe starvation and set out for pizza. But the florescent lighting in the pizza place was NOT doing anything flattering for me at that point in the night, so I decided it was better to eat it at my apt since I only live 5 mins away.  
And, we were having a great time.  After all those weeks being locked in work-land, I needed some FUN! Not to mention, a boy lavishing attention all over me. C'mon- you know you love that too.
So we ate pizza at my casa and smooched a bit more.  You'll be elated to know that I did kick him out around 3am-- yay for me!  He told me he wanted to take me out on a "proper date" (huh? what's that again?), and I mentioned that I had an extra ticket for a concert Friday night, so it was a plan.
He texted AND later called me to arrange.  We met for dinner at the ├╝ber popular Spotted Pig and it was all good. Although at dinner, I started to question just how attracted I was to Walken, now that I was only one beer in, as opposed to half a tower. But I decided to just relax and have fun, and we did.  The show was great and he was a great and very chivalrous date.
Afterwards, we went for a drink at the Cave [aka wine cellar at Peasant] and of course, ran into perpetual cave dwellers Sexy Sue, P, and Kell out for Kell's quasi-bach party!
I was not quite counting on running into people whilst on my 1.5 date with a dude, but whatever. These are good friends and they don't judge.  And Walken didn't make that big of an ass out of himself. Oh...
Anyway, it seemed time to get out of their hair (plus I was worried about what else loose-lips may say at that juncture), so I suggested we have a night cap at my apt, since it's about 30 yards away.  It was now well after 3am and I just wanted to collapse, so off to slumber party-land we went.  It was all fine 'cept Walken is SUPER affectionate and cuddly to the point I almost yelled at him "Back the F up, dude, you're infringing on my real estate here!"  But I refrained.
Ironically, I found out that he's only 2 months out of a break-up. AND, Peru is only 6 mos out of a major break-up.  No wonder they're total CLING-ONS! They're all scared and needy and rebound-y. Yeeeech. No bueno. 
I found myself looking for the exit. Too bad I was in my own apartment.  
Which meant brunch! Weee! (Ugh.)
Honestly, it was all fine.  He couldn't be nicer.  I can just tell how much he likes me [mostly because he said "Lindsey, I really like you." And kinda expected me to say it back.]  Let's just say I could not wait to get outta there.  Plus, I had major prepping to do, as BFWB and I had last-minute committed to playing a short acoustic set at this very interesting Art Salon party that night.
The scene:  Artists, musicians, poets, and a smattering of schmillionaires (namely the owner of the SICK apartment the party was at).
Free-flowing wine all night. Cocktail attire. Roof deck. Grand piano in an NYC apt. You really don't see that every day. 
Or, ever.
Walken knew we were playing this event and tried his hardest to get an invite. I thwarted this with all my might, citing "nerves" and that I'd rather him see a full show.  
Neither being true, of course.
Party clothes were donned. Here's an awesomely blurry pic BFWB took of me in my vintage 80's dress I've been dying to bust out.  I was definitely having some kind of Sharon Stone moment.  Sorry for the blurricane, I will post better pics if 
I ever find them.  Anyway, obvi I hoped for some nice man-candy to be at the party, but no such luck. Mostly chicks, weirdos and couples.  There was, however, ONE totally hottie-pants violin player, with a very Gyllenhaal quality.  So I went directly up to talk to him.  BOOM. Queer as the day is long.  But FIERCE.  So, no love connection, except for in the fag-hag type of way. Seriously, he is one of my fave new people!

How did our performance go? In the words of BFWB, he and I "murdered it." Phew.  It was amazingly nerve-wracking to be in such a small, intimate setting with talent like I've never seen surrounding us. And, we were LAST in the line-up.  But it felt great to be done and to finally be able to start downing some of that wine! [sidebar: I never/rarely drink before I sing. Waiting 3 hours during an open bar party? BRUTAL]
Our friends who attended were too tired/bombed to go out but BFWB and I were in rare form. My night had really only just begun and he didn't want our "fancy attire" to go to waste, so we headed out to the LES. 
Now, we have a really big problem when we go out. Everyone just naturally assumes we're a couple. We're both extremely tall and apparently seem like a physical match, so yeah. 
Cockus. Blockus. Maximus.
And the being dressed up thing did NOT help.  But we ended up at a total dive bar across the street from 'inoteca.  BFWB is the ultimate wingman, always doing PR for me and trying to befriend/help pick up cute guys! We found one that seemed to fit the bill standing outside the bar having a smoke.  We made friends and he hung out with us for a bit inside. Meanwhile, my friend S who works at 'inoteca came over to say hi before she headed home. We continued to hang out with the dude from outside--he was AA, knew tons about music, and seemed like an overall good catch. Until...he took off his cool leather jacket. I then leaned over and whispered to S "It's all well and good until your shirt has zero sleeves."
At that precise moment B looked at me and said "Sorry, hon."
I almost busted my spleen trying to invert my laughter.
Then, it got even better. Who walked into the bar?
It was actually so great to see him and he gave me a huge hug.  I was extra thankful for my Sharon Stone outfit at that moment.  Never want to see an ex looking like vagabond!
Turns out, S had run into him at 'inoteca (where he no longer works, but apparently still hangs out) and told him she was going across the street to say hi to me. So he came too!  I think that was cool of him.  After all, we had quite a good run last summer, and even though it all ended abruptly in what felt like a fiery inferno at the time, we were actually FRIENDS and it was really nice to reconnect.  Especially because it's been on the verge of happening lately. And, because he now happens to live with Hairy Pits Girlfriend in the LES, so I'm sure we'll be seeing each other from time to time.
So he hung out with BFWB and me [we shunned Sleeveless Shirt guy and gave Teca his chair] and had several drinks while catching up, chatting a mile a minute.  And, when a crazy drunk weirdo kept groping and/or petting my sleeves, Teca totally stepped up and defended my honor, telling the guy to get outta there and, when he didn't, he got the bouncer to remove him!
Aside from Boulder-douche, Teca really may be one of the most gorgeous men I've ever seen and definitely that I've ever dated. 
And, Teca, BFWB and I proceeded to stay out 'till 4:30am, when we finally ended our night eating giant Cuban sandwiches while sitting on scaffolding and watching garbage being collected.  I heart NYC!
We all said our good-byes and Teca complimented me on how good I looked [ah! stop! serious restraint from JUMPING on and affixing myself to his back with a death grip]. And, he insisted that I take a cab even though I don't live that far away. All just reaffirming what I knew all along-- he really IS a super nice, caring guy who just happened to make a SUPER dumb mistake last August.  Ah well. 
I'll continue being clean and well-shaven.  
He can continue co-habitating with those that don't value that.

What a banana-ballz night!  
But I went home with a smile on my face.  Until I had to wash the makeup off it at 5am.  Can someone please remind me again WHY I don't have staff to take care of that?  

As for Walken: He texted me tonight, a super-sweet one too. 
Shit. I was really hoping he'd forget he liked me. 
I'll have to figure out how to let this one down nicely. Thoughts?

As for Peru: Was supposed to go out with him last night, but had to cancel since band rehearsal got moved.  Am also hoping HE forgets he likes me and/or wants to see me again. I really can't handle any more Hungry Hungry Hippos action.
Shit on a stick.

I also have some Sunday-Funday stories for y'all but this is far too long and my eyeballs are all burn-y anyway. 
Mad luv to ya's!

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