Dating story #43, Nice Guys Finish Last & Dumb Just Got DumbER.

Well, well, well...quite the interesting weekend!


We left off with me preparing to go on my 2nd Match date with GoodGuy.  We had met for drinks a week ago, had good conversation and he asked me out on that date for this one, which I thought was a) mature and b) classy.  In fact, isn't that kind of what guys are, like, supposed to do?  Clearly I wouldn't know the answer to that, based on the "winners" I've been picking lately.
I digress.
GoodGuy and I had been talking about our mutual love for sushi and he mentioned his favorite sushi in the city is BondSt.  I said, unbelievably, it's the one place I've never dined.  So, he promptly asked me to dinner there this past Friday night, upon his return from a business trip. I was SUPER excited for dinner. And...that's about it. I really tried to keep an open mind, but my gut is usually right. And in this instance, my gut was thinking "sushi!!!" when it should have been thinking "GoodGuy!!!" Oopsie.
But, I had to prevail! At least I knew GoodGuy would be just that-- a nice, non a-holey dude and spending a dinner with him would certainly not be the worst thing in the world.  And I was right.  First thought upon meeting him at Bond St-- not as cute as I remembered and, slightly femme? Sigh. But, very smart and never a lag in conversation. Except for when my taste buds came into contact with my Big Eye Tuna Tarts with creamy ponzu and white truffle oil.
OH DEAR MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS RIGHT AND HOLY IN THE WORLD!
Yeah. I had to take a moment of silence for that appetizer.  And, for the relationship that would never be with GoodGuy. However, that dinner had to be well over $250 and I felt compelled to at least hang out and have/buy GoodGuy one more drink at a nearby lounge.  He even managed to sneak in a little kiss or two. YIKES.  I know I need to re-jigger my brain, but I almost felt compelled to let him simply because he's a) SO freakin' nice and b) that was one of the best meals of LIFE. 
So I bid GoodGuy adieu and went back to my apt where I was met by BFWB and, later, The Chef. It's kind of like being with loud, blonde-hair, blue-eyed, pale-skinned tall twins.  But we had a great time.  And, of course, the moment BFWB left I promptly passed out on The Chef. He has GOT to be getting sick of this by now!  I really just think he likes not having to travel home to Queens or outer Cambodia or wherever he lives after a late night at the restaurant and I also happen to have the most amazingly comfortable bed that ever existed. Seriously, if you haven't tried a ComforPedic, GET ON IT.


And, now on to SoCal. Or...

Yes, that's right.  He would be the "dumb just got dumbER" portion. 
So if you recall from my last post, I had invited SoCal to Monday's Supperclub dinner party but he was busy, however immediately invited [or so I thought] me to see a band play at Bowery Ballroom Sat night.  And obvs I didn't hear from him all week, although he did "like" one of my FB posts {oh, swoon!}. Ugh.
Saturday I met up with bestie Rayza for a lovely brunch and catch-up sesh at the charming Cafe Gitane, a fave in my 'hood. I expressed to her my annoyance with not hearing from it yet about our plans for the night but also that he had never flaked before.  She agreed with BFWB that I should just sit tight, so I did and we had a lovely day together, catching up and making fun of the 200 people standing in line outside of DASH, the Kardashian's SoHo shlock shack.  Really, 200 people? What exactly do you think you're going to find in there-- Kim's badonkadonk? Kourtney's baby? Klohe's true genitalia revealed? Weirdos.
By 4pm with no txt from SoCal I was starting to get seriously pissed and Rayza realized her hubby had plans for the night so she further harassed me to forget SoCal and hang with her instead.  Also, I knew a friend's band was playing in Brookland and I kind of wanted to see that as well.  Finally, I decided to stop playing games and just get it over with, so I texted SoCal "hey, White Rabbits [the band] still happening tonight? Just trying to figure out my plans..."  
He promptly texted back "hey, do you have a ticket? I think it's a sellout."
ummmmmmmm.....WHATtheWHATwhatWHO???
Did I misread something here?
NO. I didn't. 
Homeskillet clearly invited me to this show, right? 
ME: "Oh...no. I guess I thought you did...?
HIM: "I forgot to and the show sold out. I think my cousin might have some, let me check."
What.
A.
Dumb.
Dummy.
Dumbass!
Obviously he was SO excited to hang out with me that he did such an amazing job of planning every detail. 
So we left it at that-- he was looking for tickets. By 7p I hadn't heard from him and decided I was over it anyway.  BFWB wanted to join me for the show in Brooklyn and it sounded great to me.  I moved on with my night and decided to have fun. And fun we did have at my friends, LIVING DAYS, show.  They're new wave-ish, sound kinda like The Cure with this crazy, amazing Cher/Gwen Stefani-esque lead singer with the lowest chick voice I've ever heard. 
So as we're there hanging out, I get a text from SoCal:
"My cousin got tix, u here?"
Um....WHAT [again]??? 
Why would I be there? Did you tell me you had a ticket for me? 
I seriously could not be more confused by the entire situation. And, DONE.
Except I may have accidentally drunk-texted him late last night asking how the show was as I drove home past the venue and saw tons of people streaming out. Dammit!  Don't worry, he's yet to respond.  
So, in the words of the ever-wise BFWB:
"SoCal? SoGONE."


BUT-
When the universe closes a door, it opens a window.
A bit o' back story is that at Monday night's amazing Supperclub, one of the people helping put the meal out was a funny, friendly guy we'll call Richie. We hadn't had many interactions but all of them were pretty funny as I recall. I also recall that he made a point of saying goodbye to us before he left, but I thought nothing of it.
Then, later in the week, he FB friended me.  I also thought nothing of this.  Funny enough, I got a text from my good friend, Blair, saying "um rando! How do you know Richie? We grew up together in Westchester!"  Damn, it's a small world!  What did we do before Facebook?  OH, we just stalked people the old-fashioned way. Like calling them and hanging up when they answered. Or, driving by their house and ducking.
So as I was sitting home early last night, fuming over SoCal's infinite idiocy, Richie started an IM chat with me on FB.  I must say, it was a seriously funny chat convo too!  It totally lifted my crankyness from earlier AND he asked me out to dinner! He is a total foodie and somehow involved in the food/wine/alcohol importing industry (I think?) Anyway, he's interesting. And, funny. AND, Jewish???  Whoa. I am not totally sure he is my "type" per se, but he can definitely make me laugh and that will get you miles beyond the others.  I also like that he is a real guy from the real world (as opposed to online) and that someone actually knows him and can vouch. 
[are you enjoying this, Blair??]
Hence, we will be dining out this coming Saturday night upon his return from a business trip. He actually tried to casually, spontaneously ask me to dinner last night as we were chatting, but I told him I have plans.  Plus, too easy!  I've got to change my evil ways. 
Starting....NOW.


Happy Monday, lovlies.  See you soon....

MANdate, Cold and Uninspired.

wow, my last post was a WEEK ago?
Generally, when this occurs, it's either because I'm busy or bored.
in this case, i'm busybored. BLAH.


Has stuff been going on? 
Yes.
Is any of it interesting to me?
No. 
Boring. 
Blah.


But I'll let you be the judge.  
I have definitely been busy all week, with my new roommie for a few days.
STELLAAAA!

Stella is MIM's precious little nugget and, I have to say, pretty stinkin' cute.  If she didn't bark at my neighbor's every breath, I may have nugget-napped her. In her defense, my neighbors move around A LOT.
Stella was basically my date all week.  She showed me that anyone can be affected by winter's static bad
 hair-ness. She also was there to help advise me in my makeup choices.  So necessary, I highly recommend her.

self-styled

So what's new in man-land?
Well, after my quasi break-through date with SoCal last week, I was feeling pretty positive about things.
How dumb of me.
After our great time weds night, I had started to feel more like he was just busy/overwhelmed and maybe not as serial dating as I had suspected. 
We texted on Thursday night, as we were both at the Interpol show @ Radio City Music Hall.  I also happen to know that he was with his cousin, not a date at that show.  We didn't end up meeting up and, we wouldn't have anyway since Lindsey decided to drink Redbull+Vodka [ie fizzy urine-crack] and had to make it an early night. UGH. VIM.
But it was cool that we had that shared experience and texted about it.
Wanna know what was NOT cool? [aside from redbullvodkabarf]-- Radio City Music Hall holds about 1,000 people or so. And who do I see within SECONDS of walking in? My ex-boyfriend, Champ. I think the universe is playing a cruel joke on me.  First off, I think I see him at least once a day, due to Champ has a very common look (tall, dark hair, beard, hipster-y) and I get a few Champ fake-outs a day.  So seeing the real thing was definitely a surprise.  Even worse, I really wished I could just go up and say hi to him. But, I refrained for fear of ruining his night and/or causing him to break into tears in front of friends.  Seriously- I have no idea where his head's at, but I'm pretty sure it still HATES my ass.
Anyway, back to SoCal.
I mentioned in my last post that I wrote him a cute, funny note on FB on Friday. And, he NEVER. WROTE. BACK.  
I find this odd because he always responds.  And, people have also not always received FB messages from me before. But still-- I'm perplexed.
This also sucked because I had another one of those awesome Supperclub parties to attend Monday night and I had bought a ticket for a date.  I had originally asked The Streak, but he had politely declined for fear his upcoming, wild weekend would cause him to bail last minute and he didn't want to do that to me. [again].
So, SoCal was obvi next in line.  But now with the no FB response...F*CK.
I decided to wait a few days and shoot a casual "oh, hey just got this last minute invite..." kind of text to him late sunday afternoon.  He wrote me back: "Aww, sounds so fun but I already have plans. Shit."
[really? other people have plans on a MONDAY night?]
two seconds later I got:
"White Rabbits @ Bowery on Saturday?"
Okay, so he's inviting me to see another show with him. Which I love. But it's all just so confusing!
So I wrote back "No worries about dinner. Saturday sounds awesome. I'm in."
And...
No confirmation text back! Like "ok cool." or "Great see you then."  And, of course, I haven't heard from him since.  So, as much as I'd like to confirm those plans and if they do, in fact, still exist, I am going to follow BFWB's advice and just wait it out.  [actually, his advice was "F*ck 'em. Do something else."] But I'm choosing my own interpretation.  
I'm getting really bored and sick of this whole thing.  I mean who goes on like 6-7 dates with someone over a TWO MONTH PERIOD???  
I'm seriously considering changing his name to Mr. Sporadical.


TJ's Supperclub on monday, however was an AMAZING time and I had the most gorgeous date:

El Menu

my good friend, Sexy Sue. We had a blast and the food was even more ridic than last time. Here's some pics of our Flamenco-themed evening, complete with Flamenco music and dancing!

Best. Ceviche. Of. Life.

And let me explain the star course (in my opinion). My picture is not doing it any justice.  Let's just say it was something to the effect of a fois gras ravioli in butternut squash puree with a perfectly crisp, honeyed piece of BACON on top and some pepitas. 
Are. You. Kidding???!!  
It rocked my world so hard I had to check where I was when I was done.

my new lover.

So, as you can see, I haven't been at home sitting on my couch.  But still, I'm feeling uninspired and unfulfilled. I guess I'm finally at the point where all this crazy dating stuff is less of an adventure (or MISadventure), and more of a "what's the point these guys are weird and boring and bad kissers and I'm going to die old and alone with cats. and, I hate cats."
Sigh.


I do have a second date tonight with a Match guy I met for drinks last week. Blaaah. Don't I sound SO excited???  I have to say, I think he is a seriously GOOD GUY. Perhaps this is why I am not that into it? But he's taking me on an actual dinner date tonight, and I think I need to keep an open mind about it. Plus, this guy actually told me how he really loves and respects "strong, independent women." Wow. Is he a unicorn or a dragon? 
So, we'll see.  I don't even have a name for him yet because he's just so...normal. [seeming].


I will keep you posted. Meanwhile, stay classy out there. Or don't. I won't judge.
xo

Dating story #41 & 42, full but empty.

What. A. Week.
I'm finally un-hungover enough to type a [hopefully] quick post.  I say this because I'm a cranky beeotch right now and I have a first date to meet a new match.com dude in a few hours for some drinks.  I'm pretty sure I can hear my liver screaming. Oh, no wait. There it is, running away from me. F*ck.


Story #41: an UNfashion show

Featuring, The Streak 
Tuesday night, I ventured to the Square of Times [that makes it sound slightly more tolerable. It's still hellacious] to meet The Streak for some "weird-ass Japanese fashion show shit" (his words, obvs) at the all new and, somewhat frighteningly large BowlMor Lanes, Times Square.  Seriously, there's like 11 floors??  Anyway, I was looking forward to these plans because they sounded interesting but, more importantly, it's one of the first times The Streak has invited me out to solid plans, in advance.  You know, kind of like a DATE. We also met two of his friends there, the married couple we had been with at the Chromeo show who are super adorable.  Guess what was NOT super adorable?  The fashion show. 
Oh holy textile nightmare!
Seriously, you couldn't have paid me to wear these clothes, not to mention, it looked like the premiere of Strawberry/Joyce Leslie's spring line.  Le vomit!
But this also was highly entertaining to The Streak and me, and we took a lot of awful pics that didn't really come out [hence, why you aren't seeing them now].  
After the show, we all departed for Williamsburg, Brookland, for his friend "Big Gay Adam's" bday party.  I LOVE Big Gay Adam.  He immediately gushed over me, called me stunning and gorgeous, which is always amazing but ESPECIALLY amazing when done in front of a guy you are seeing or interested in.  It's like the ultimate validation.  So we hung out at this weird party for a bit and I showed him that I could easily mingle with his weirdo friends and have fun and not be a party barnacle.  
I will say that I'm getting a bit tired of the whole "warming up" period [ie waiting till we've had several drinks] I always have with him.  I want to shake him and be like "Dude. We've, you know, touched before n' stuff." ugh.  
Anyway, we departed the party after awhile and I said I'd head back to his local bar/2nd home for a drink and a bite.  The boy is seriously the mayor at this place.  It's like freakin' "Cheers"-- walking into a bar and not only knowing the entire staff but the patrons as well?  Kinda cool.
He definitely got flirtier at the bar [phew] and, thanks to his friendship with the bartender who just kept refilling our drinks and pouring shots, I found myself still in Brookland at 2am, on a tuesday, silly drunk.  I was like "clearly I am NOT going home right now."  He was like "duh."  So we proceeded the 2 doors down to his apt and that was that.  It's definitely becoming more comfortable and he is a champion spooner, but something is kind of off. I think he's more the kind of guy that will eventually turn into just a friend at some point.  Also, not waking up in Brookland on a school day would also be a pro.
Walk of shame=1.
Lindsey=0.


Story #42: an UNwatched show

Featuring, SoCal
I had very much been looking forward to this concert date with SoCal, seeing as he actually asked me 2 weeks in advance!  Plus, the venue [Bowery Ballroom] is not only my fave in NYC, but it's also about a minute walk from my apt. LOVE.
So, I waited patiently until I finally heard from him in the afternoon. Via text- obvs.  I mean, why would anyone actually USE a phone, right?  The absurdity!
He asked me when I wanted to meet up.  I find this kind of annoying-- dude, this is your date. You freakin' tell me the story.  But I believe we had originally discussed having drinks at my apt before the show, so maybe that's why he didn't have such a plan.  We decided to meet at 9pm for a drink or two and then head to the show.  I was also really looking forward to some nice alone, not-in-a-bar time at my apt with him where we could actually catch up and talk.  Apparently, the universe had other plans for me.
He texted me at 8:30 saying he had just gotten home and his dog had done hundreds of dollars worth of damage to furniture and clothing and he was gonna be awhile. CRAP!  I totally believe it too-- that dog is craaay craaay!  So I played
the ultra-cool card and told him to take his time and I'd be waiting with a nice strong drink whenever he got here.  Long story short, he told me to just meet up at the venue and by that time it was already 11p.  
Now, since I seem to be such an insane control freak about plans, I had called the venue to find out when the band went on and they said 10p.  But, not wanting to seem like this kind of freak that I am, I didn't tell him that and by the time we both got there, streams of people were pouring out. Show over.  Sigh.
The poor guy also looked like he'd had the ever-loving shit beaten out of him.  Just so dejected.  I asked if he wanted to still go in and grab a drink and he agreed.  I even bought him said drink [how nice am I?] and played "concerned empathetic" girl, listening to his woes.  I will say this-- the night definitely revealed a different side of him and I no longer think he is crazy mega-dating other chicks.  Sure, I'm probably not the only one but I don't think there's many because I don't think he has TIME for it.  I truly got a sense for just how busy his job is and how run-down he was feeling.  And the dog antics were the final blow.  
So I finally told him we were going to talk about something else and get his mind off of the bad stuff.  We went back to my place for a drink and to relax and we honestly had a GREAT time.  Just very comfortable and easy and, best of all, I feel like I totally cheered him up and made it better, or at least a little.  YAY.  We cuddled for awhile and then he went home, citing an early morning.  Who knows what will come of this, but I definitely have a whole new perspective on it.  I think he likes me and I just need to chill out and make him track me down.  Although I did write him a funny note on FB today after he "liked" my status. ["Thank you very much, this week. Now I need a vacation. Yes, another one."]  I wrote him that HE definitely needs a vacation or at least some major couch-time this weekend.  We'll see if that evolves into any kind of invitation to do something with moi.  Dammit, Facebook. I really wish I could see if the mail has been read yet.  Why can't they make things just a tiny bit more stalker-friendly???


In Other News:

The Chef.
Still a sweetie.  Still not that into him. May need to cut cord soon. Feel like his big sister or something. Ick.

Drummer Boy.
Fully back and intact!  Fully serving his purpose as being around for APO. A totally necessary member of the line-up.  Also, he wished me a happy Valentine's day. Weird! But sweet!

El Señor.
Totally thought he had adios'd but just got a text from him asking if I wanted to have "whiskey in NYC" next week. This leads me to believe he's been heavily traveling. ¡Que interesante!

Almost Doc. Or, "Not Doc" as Hotbot calls him.
Don't worry, he's still terminated. But he's refused to totally grasp the concept of "I no longer wish to see you."  
1 phone call to me while in Jamaica [ignored]
1 "what's up" text to me while in Jamaice [ignored]
Then, yesterday morning:
HIM: "Get over urself. I want another crack at it."
ME: "Not happening. Sorry. Good luck out there."
HIM: "Haha. why not"
ME: "We've been thru this. Please stop. Don't make me be mean!"
HIM: "Be mean."
"I have to improve."
ME: "[his name], move on. I'm seeing other people. And you're borderline harassing me."
HIM: "I've moved on. But I want u too."
ME: "Not. Happening. Please do not contact me again."
HIM: "Good luck settling."


Seriously. Why do the horrible ones insist on lingering and stalking?  WHY!  Hotbot has already sent me legal documents on what to do if more contact occurs.  I maybe laughed my ass off at that.  I don't think we'll get to that point. [I pray we don't get to that point!] But, if anything, it's entertaining. 
Hope you thought so too. 


As you can see, I've been busy.  But am I feeling fulfilled? Eh. Not so much.  I guess I just haven't kissed enough frogs yet.  [HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE???]


I'm off to attempt some sleep and re-spackling of tired, vampire-like dark circles so Match guy doesn't assume I'm part bat.  Wish me luck...


HAPPY WEEKEND-ING gorgeousnesses!
xoxo

Dating story #40, Lordy Lordy...really? 40?

HELLOOOOO BLOG-O-SPHERE! 
Did you enjoy the silence?  I had a lovely vacay in Jamaica, mon and am here with an important message:
****TAKE. A. VACATION.****
For realsies. 
This was the first "actual vacation" I have taken in 2 years and it did wonders.  I am 100% less:
-bitchy
-cranky
-angsty
-boy-crazy (okay, maybe 80%? Let's keep it real)
And, we planned it totally last minute, did an all-inclusive and it was CHEAP! So, pull the trigger.  Your friends, family, co-workers, boyfriends, husbands, kids, body and LIFE will thank you for it!  I'll put some pics at the end of this post.
Let's go back to right before the vacay, shall we?


I actually can't believe this is my 40th dating story!  Good lord.  I just got really frightened in the "what if I have 40 more and STILL haven't found anyone good enough to NOT blog about?"  
Okay, don't worry. Even if someone (ever) IS good, I will still write about them. You have my word on that. But, until then...


Last Friday night:  The Streak & The Chef


I had plans to swing by the Chef's resto, the super cute Betel, since my awesome trainer/friend CH was throwing her mom (yes, her mom) a happy hour drinks party in honor of her being in town.  How freakin' adorbs is that?
So I hung out there for only the 2nd time ever and had a grand ol' time.  Hotbot even joined me for a few (ok we had like 4 STRONG-ass, delish cocktails) and some amazing food.  And, when the bill came, our tipsy-selves could not wrap our heads around it-- it was like $20. TOTAL.  Clearly dating someone in the resto industry actually has perks that has paid off!  Except for Hotbot who had the grand judgement lapse and decided to do some work emails upon getting home.  FAIL!
I then jetted uptown to meet The Streak since he decided to remember a) he had tix to Chromeo and b) he remembered he invited me.  [UGH! Boys!] 
We had a great time cheezing out and dancing (as well as we could amongst the over-crowded, douche-mass.  Die, Terminal 5. Die.) But, The Streak was a little off.  I couldn't tell if he just needed some "warming up" time, or if being face-to-face instead of just being "pen pals," as I like to refer to us, was throwing him off.  I even sent him a text from 1 foot away just to break the ice.  He liked it.  But it was definitely a deeper thing and he kept apologizing for being "off," even though I still found him entertaining and hilarious to be with, not to mention taller and handsome-er than I remembered.  Hmm...maybe in person contact is, you know, a GOOD idea once in awhile?  AAARGH.
After the show, his friends [married couple, very adorable] said goodbye and headed home to be married and do married couple things.  I said I was hungry and The Streak was famished, so we headed to (where else?) Meatball Shop!  I thought maybe he just needed to be fed-- perhaps he was just hangry?  
Eating definitely helped a little but not totally, as he still kept apologizing for "being an r-tard." HA. He is maybe one of the smartest people I've ever met. So, that's funny.
He said he was up for joining me to swing by Dub's bday party, which was sure to be way out of control at this point, seeing as it was 1:30a or so.  [sidebar: obvi there is nothing going on with Dubs, kinda never was, but we're all good friends now and it's definitely never a dull moment with him around.]  Ironically, Dubs was so wizz-nasted by the time I got there, he left! Ha! Happy 26th bday, Bro!  In fact, EVERYONE was so mega-bombed they decided to go dance or something somewhere, but The Streak and I, noticing a couple fairly close to fornicating on the pool table, opted to stay.  "Excellent theater," was The Streak's perspective. I concurred.  Yet, he still seemed "off" and was semi-touchy with me...but...? No moves made, which is kinda strange if you've already gotten over that hump with someone before.  So, I finally decided to blurt out whatever was in my head. ME: "Do I, like, intimidate you in some way?" HIM: "yeah...maybe a little."  
WHAT!
This was a truly shocking response.  This guy is über outgoing, confident and unafraid. Hell, he has been known to stick his finger in a couple's mouth if they are violently making out at a bar.  Yet, he is intimidated by ME?  Apparently, he thinks I'm a "strong, independent woman and I'm really smart and funny."  Hilarious that this whole time I've been worried that I may not be smart enough for HIM! 
But we had a really good chat (initiated by moi, obvi) and I alerted him to the fact that we have fun together, we should hang out more often, and he should not worry that I'm going to get attached and be dreaming about him puttin' a ring on it.  I think this put a lot of things at ease.  Sometimes, you just need that "don't worry dude, I'm not thinkin' white dresses and long aisles so just freakin' relax and lets's have fun" convo, ya know?  
That was the end of that night and then I left on vacay, BUT, he did invite me to "some weird-ass Japanese fashion show" that happens to be taking place tonight.  One thing's for sure-- it's never a dull moment with The Streak. 
In other news, I have that concert date with SoCal tomorrow night, so there should be lots to tell this week! And hopefully, it won't be bad news. Although he may be in for a "where is this going"-esque convo. Get excited, SoCal!


And now....Some Jamaican idiocy, brought to you by me, MIM, and new awesome friend, LoPro. Enjoy, mon!

The Jamaican Bobsled Team

Don't worry- they're virgin bevvies!

The only thing bad about Jamaica: the food. VIM.

Us + Pebbles, our Jerk Chicken mon.

Stealth pic of MIM getting mass-ageee!

Sunshine. Warmth. Besties. Happiness.

Beautiful Jamaican "decor."

Local Fashion.

Please summer. Hurry the F up!

Ok, off to this Japanese fashion show and "Big Gay Adam's" Birthday party afterwards, whoever that is. Pray for me.

xoxo

Jamaican me craaasy, mon!

Greetings from paradise, where there's also no steady internets (#firstworldproblems).

Hence, the no posting.
Hence, this may look weird as I am doing it during a rare internet moment on Pepito, my iPad.

In case anyone is missing me, I'll be back this weekend. Until then, here's some pics of me, MIM, and awesome new friend, LoPro, and our idiotic antics.
Oh, wait.
Just kidding.
iPads SUCK.

Xoxo

Dating story #39, Just when you think it's over...

Lovers!


I have notta lotta time, so this is gonna be quick n' dirty.  Don't judge.  Actually, I assume you don't judge because if you DID, you probably wouldn't read my brain drivel.  Or, maybe you read it because you enjoy judging it ["Did you SEE what that tramp is doing NOW??"], and that's okay too. Whatever keeps you entertained!

So, we know where I left off with SoCal.  Not the best of places, but still somewhat optimistic, seeing as there is just so much potential, but thus far, such poor execution.  It's kind of like when your team [ahem- JETS] is really good and soo close, but they just keep f'ing up and then they miss out on the Superbowl. Grrr! Aggravating x 1000.  
After SoCal so nicely invited me over to his place at 8:45a on a Saturday for a whole 1.5 hour window [I declined that invite], I hadn't heard from him again and decided to just back off and see what happened.  Sure enough, Tues am I got a txt asking if I like Les Savy Fav (a band). Indeed, I do. And YES!  All along, I'm thinking "helloooo dumbnutz, you know we both love live music.  Whyyy are we not seeing any shows together??!"  So I texted back that I like them a lot and then immediately googled to see if they were playing in NYC soon. Turns out, they're playing at my fave venue, Bowery Ballroom Feb 16th.  Was this why he was asking???  I'd have to wait awhile to find out since he didn't reply to my response for HOURS.  Finally I wrote "was that a test or something?" He wrote back "Yes and you passed. They're playing Bowery 2.16, come with me. Already got your ticket."  
Well, shitgoddamn! [that's Texan for "whoa!"]
Asking me out. 
On a date.
TWO weeks in advance.
And bought me tix.
Okay, things are looking up.  We proceeded to text back and forth, talking about how we're both going on vacay next week.  I mentioned that I "hope I'd remember what he looks like by the time 2/16 rolls around," seeing as because of missed connections, I hadn't seen him since the first week of January!  So he said we should definitely hang out before then.
On my walk home from the gym he asked what I was up to and that ended up in an invite to come over and watch a movie.  I decided since the night was a) cold b) boring and c) about to ice storm, going over there would be a fun thing. So, I did. And, it WAS.  We had a really good time, good chemistry, although kind of a strange slumber party.  He woke up at like 5:30a and left the bed for like an HOUR.  Kinda bizarre, but he said he couldn't sleep.  Who knows.  
However, he DID make me a delicious omelette, bacon and coffee the next morning for brekkie.  Um...wakey wakey, eggs and bac-y? YES, please. FACT:  They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.  I think I  might be a dude...
Suffice it to say, I still think he's probably seeing other girl/girls-- I saw a confusing pink razor in the shower but what can I do?  Not like I'm not doing the same thing, although that was kinda strange.  At some point, we'll need to have a discussion about all of this, but not yet.  And, at the advice of bestie KK, I need to do a much better job of playing hard-to-get. That's really hard, because I am clearly very EASY to get. At least if you are good-looking and not a total dumb-dumb. Shit.  
MIM is right- they DO always come back. Especially if YOU go away...

Ah, the Chef.  I think he'll be around until I tell him not to be. I'm just not sure when that needs to happen.  The other night I mistakenly texted him cause I was still up at 2am, fresh in from a bar on a school night, and he asked me what I was doing.  I told him that I was making some sort of pizza "concoction" out of assorted refrigerator items in my new toaster oven.  [When I say "items," I might mean "pickles."]  He asked if I required professional help, but I told him it was too late. Damage done.  He then asked if I wanted company.  I said he had a 15 minute window until I passed out, plus an early morning, but he was welcome to come over.  That seems, to me, about as un-enticing as SoCal's little morning time block, but the Chef seemed to think it was a great idea.  And I literally passed out ON him, on the couch.  The next morning, we had to get up early because my crazy cleaning lady insisted on coming at 8am [she's bossy], and so he had to split.  Early wake-ups do NOT go over well for Vampire Chefs.  So, we've had about 3 different occasions of him coming over to literally JUST sleep.  He's kind of like an actual slumber party friend.  And, it's getting weird for me. Mostly, because I just don't even care.  He is sweet and cute and very fun to hang out with.  But I'm starting to feel like a big sister or something.  EW. 
I'm supposed to swing by his resto tonight for a drink, so we'll have to deal with all this post-vacation.


The Streak. {i can't find his icon right now! sorry}
Many moons ago (like 3-4 weeks), The Streak had told me he had 4 tix to Chromeo on 2/4 [yes, today] and asked if I wanted to be one of the lucky recipients.  Chromeo is maaajor fun times and it seemed like a fabulous invite.  Cut to today.  Never heard any confirmation, logistical information, nada.  I started getting antsy about it yesterday, cause I'm a planner. That's just what I DO. So I asked our mutual friend, S-Bomb, if this was normal behavior.  She said he is definitely not a flake with invites but he is a total "late confirmer" so to just be patient.  She also said it would be fine if I wanted to send him a "we still on for tom nite" note, but I vehemently refused. It's time to make these guys work harder. 
So today, as I was venting (i-venting over i-chat) my frustrations to The-bro, The Streak popped up on my ichat. Ah! Relief! But no...he was just saying what's up. Sending me funny links. The norm.  I started to go slowly INSANE. It literally took every fiber of my being to not ask about tonight.  Then I started to realize that, because he's freelancing and not been working all week [and partying every night], I bet he has no freakin' idea what day it even is.  So I ask him if he's got any big weekend plans. He said other than taking advantage of 18 year old girls, nothing much. A brunch. Some work.  Finally, I did the least I could do and asked if he was going out tonight or if too hungover. That triggered it for amnesia-man.
"HOOOOLY F*CK F*CK  F*CK  F*CK! CHROMEO IS TONIGHT!!!!!!!"
and
"I KNEW i was supposed to remember something! Ahhhhhh! Do you still want to go??"
Okay, so I feel better.  He didn't forget about ME, he forgot about EVERYTHING.
And this is the smart guy.  Someone please give me toothpicks to begin poking myself with.  I don't know how much more of this dating bull-poo I can handle. Like, SERIOUSLY.


In other news, just when I thought I was finally safe:
-Almost Doc called me as I was writing this post. [IGNORE!] Ahhh. Please, MAKE. IT. STOP.
-Abe The Jew sent me a very lovely email that I won't share with you because 
HE READS THIS BLOG!  Not. Awky. At. All. 
Abe, you are clearly very sweet, but something is so confusing since I think I would really HATE me after reading all this stuff about other guys. How do you not hate me? please, feel free to leave a comment. Part of me wonders if you're just reaching out because you're hoping I'll blog about you? Well done, it worked!
And also, clearly I have my hands full right now. So...I don't really see drinks on the horizon for us. But some girl will be very lucky to meet a guy as dedicated and attentive as you someday. 


And....that's all for now!
Linz. OUT.

Dating story #38, Three times the shady.

This post is brought to you by the number 3.


Story #1
It's not a new story. It's the continuation of the Almost Doc story. Because, who can really get enough of that story? It's the gift that just keeps on giving. Like herpes.
In case you haven't had a chance to read any of the Twitter feed on the right side, allow me to summarize the lovely and stimulating text-change we've had today.  I've been asked by tonight's girl's dinner friends to transcribe this exactly, so here you go. Bon appetit!
[starting @ 11:23am EST]
HIM: "Rough around the edges huh"
ME: "Just a little. I think it's really the no-filter thing we spoke about."
HIM: "I filter when I need."
"Andpp [giant random space in text] I really had deep feelings for u."
ME: "Wow, that's sweet of you to say, but I also find it hard to believe after only 3 dates!"
HIM: "Its. True."
"I wanted this to go to the next level"
"I could give u everything u wanted"
"Come away with me this weekend"
"Ill prove it"
ME: "I really appreciate all the effort here. But it's just not gonna work. I think we're in 2 different places."
HIM: "Well I think ur wrong."
And...END. SCENE. 
[at least I hope so. please. pleeease.]
Almost Doc gives me something I can only describe as 
THE DOUCHEBUMPS.
Yes, I made that up. Yes, you should all start using it. I'm sure you know people who give you douchebumps. And if you don't, I want to be you.


Story #2 (aka The one you've been waiting for!)
'member how, in my last post, I told you that SoCal had done something reeeallly shady but didn't tell you what? 
Welcome to what.
I was feelin' pretty pscyhed last weekend about my pending Thursday night swanky LA hotel slumber party with SoCal. Was thinking it would be a fun, flirty way for us to reconnect since we kept missing each other. Plus, he's hot. What's not to be excited about?
Sunday, I even got a cute text from him calling me "mamacita" (cute, non-creepy term of endearment) and he was asking for reco's of places to watch the Jets vs. Steelers playoff game in NYC.  Ironically, I was looking for the same thing in Santa Monica, his old town! How adorable. So we exchanged venue ideas and I was all aglow. Mostly from the epic facial I had just treated myself to, but also loving the attention from Mr. Potential.  Then, this text happened:
HIM: "also, can I ask you a random question that you PROMISE not to get mad at or take the wrong way? innocent question :)"
ME: "go ahead."
HIM: "do you like girls at all, or have you ever gone there?"
Oh dear lord. Here comes the freak flag. May as well start hoisting it up the pole. SH*T!
ME: "Interesting. 
Never gone there. 
Can I ask why you're asking?"
This can't be just totally "random."
I then got no response for 5 minutes and decided it was time for us to pop our no-phone-convo cherry and so I called that boy up.
He answered laughing, "I had a feeling I'd be hearing from you!"
I said "Yeah well you can't ask me a question like that and not expect me to have LOTS more questions in return!"
Basically, I guess the story is that he went out a few times with some chick in LA before he moved here and apparently, she's into the menage thing. Or maybe she's into girls. I don't really understand. My brain was working in overdrive warp speed after all this started going down and all the details are therefore fuzzy.  So it seems like this classy broad had recently expressed to SoCal her desire for this and since I was going to be in LA Thurs, he was and she was, he "would be remiss if he didn't at least ask." 
Waaahwaahweeeewah! Whoa nellie. Whoaaaa horsie. WHOA.
Even though my neurons were firing like the 4th of July, the rest of me was processing this in super slo-mo.  I remember telling him I appreciated the cojones it took to even ask me that. [He really isn't that bold or confident. It's amazing what sex/porn fantasies can get a guy to do]. 
Then, I had to jump off the phone due to work [AHHH!] and we said we'd talk about it later.
I immediately felt icky like green slime.
Then, he sent me this pic:

Um...HOLY MOTHER OF BOOBS! 
Cue. Minor. Panic. Attack.
Not that I was even really entertaining this "idea" at all, but HER? I've heard someone always gets left out in a three-way. I mean, sure, she has stringy hair and I can't see her whole face. But who can compete with that rack-tasticness??? Def not ME! I'm all legs and nothin' up top.
And, furthermore, who the hell has pics like that? Mind racing, mulling over this girl's possible professions:
-Call girl
-Pole dancer
-Table dancer
-Private dancer
-Accountant [as in accountant in PORN movie involving financial fantasies]
Upon seeing this, I promptly wrote him back:
"Look, I am a very open person but this is just WAY too soon to even talk about something like this. I don't know you that well yet and this whole thing is just making me feel weird. But if you'd rather hang with her Thurs night, say the word. You're not stuck with me."
He wrote back right away, apologizing and hoping he didn't offend, and that he would really like to have our date Thursday night, with JUST me.
What can I say...I'm a sucker for a guy who can sincerely apologize. I guess I couldn't fault the guy for trying and felt a teensy bit honored that he thought I could hang with Count Rack-ula. But I definitely still felt icky about it for a few days after.  In hindsight, I'm wondering if maybe the Universe was doing me a favor by snowing SoCal into NYC? 
And, after all, it did send me Story #3...


Story #3
Weds night, upon returning from a 5-course, 3 schmillion calorie tasting-menu dinner at my Venice fave, Tasting Kitchen, I didn't know what to do with myself. I knew NYC was snowed in, thus [fortunately] squalching my Thursday night rendezvous with SoCal, so I didn't even care about being a bloatation device for the next 24 hours. Hell, no leg-shaving either. Woohoo! Sometimes, it's the little things... 
Anyway, I was out with my amazingly hilarious co-worker Bill. Just to give you some insight into Bill, he thought he would buy me a nice, helpful gift while we were in LA:

Thanks, Bill. You're so good to me.

Awesome-sauce.
So Bill and all 300 water-weight lbs of me knew that, even though it was 12a and we had an early shoot the next am, we could not drag our full asses to bed yet.  He decided to work on his fullness with a cigarette and I chose a digestive (aka liquor that burns like a fiery inferno down your throat but actually helps make you feel less full.) 
We sat outside at the cool Viceroy pool area and ran into some advertising friends of ours, as all Ad people stay at these hotels when out on production and the industry is so incestuous that you always run into people you know. In this case, we ran into a horrible ex-coworker, The Russian, who attempted to face-rape me earlier in the week [long story. another time.] but he had cute friends with him. And, luckily, they weren't even his friends, but friends of acquaintances. I say luckily because I would have serious trepidation for anyone who was actually voluntarily friends with The Russian. So I began chatting with tall, dark and plaid friend, San Fran.  He had sparkly blue eyes, was most definitely AA in appearance, and is also a copywriter for a great agency in San Francisco.  After hanging out for a bit, I knew I needed to go upstairs simply because the button on my jeans was threatening to spontaneously explode off of them and I was afraid for anyone in the line of fire. [Seriously, I think I'm STILL full from that meal.]
Before I bolted, San Fran said we should exchange numbers and meet up another night. I agreed and ran to seek refuge in stretchy pants.
He and I exchanged a few funny texts that night/the next day.  And in the early evening I asked what kind of trouble they were getting into that night.  He wrote back that he was trying not to go out as he had a 5am call-time the next morning. [ouch.] 
I ended up hangin' with the work crew in the swanky hotel bar, doing some drinks n' apps. Again, I managed to re-bloat myself. I think it was really residual bloatation from the previous night, triggered the minute I put more salt in my mouth.  So at about 12a I adjourned to my room thinking I might actually chill and watch a movie while I packed for my return flight the next day. 
About 10 mins later, I got a text from San Fran saying he was coming to the Viceroy for a drink and I was meeting him. Guess he gave up trying to behave, huh?  Sounds like someone I know... (me!). Honestly, if I had taken my makeup off, it would have been an automatic no-go. But miraculously it was all still on as was my cute outfit. And it would be such a shame to waste it. Plus I figured I could drink a little more of that hellfire-water to help my poor, angry tummy.  So, I obliged. 
We met at the bar- he was even cuter than I remembered and TALL! 6'5" to be exact, which I LOVE. I can still wear heels and not feel like a trannie!
We went outside to have a drink and I felt instant chemistry. He was smart, witty, complimentary of me, and well beyond AA-- 38!  He told me I was even more beautiful than he remembered as he gently tucked a stray hair behind my ear. 
Cue: heart pounding. 
After awhile, he leaned in and gave me an amazingly sweet yet sultry kiss. 
Cue: heart racing.
Sure, he doesn't live in NYC. But I could still enjoy myself, right?
Cue: more time in smooch-town
He talked about his dog. I live for dogs, so I love a guy who does too.  We talked all about the dog and the hikes they take together, how she got hurt once, how she curls up on his lap even though she's a big dog. Innocently, I asked who was watching his prized dog while he was away.
His response: "My girlfriend."
Check. Please.


They say bad news usually comes in threes. I'd like to expand that to threes and three-somes. 
Thank you, Universe. 
You. Are. Awesome. x3.