SURPRISE!

April Fools???

Nope! I am really, seriously writing a blog post! ...well, sort of. 

Can't believe my last blog post was officially a year ago- WOW. But, I've been a busy lil' bee!  Here's a few updates:

* Still in a wonderful relationship with my boyf, Ole Miss {that's almost 2 years, if anyone is counting}

* Still a Senior Copywriter at an ad agency and just recently produced a spot for an amazing product, Dreamwalk, by Dr. Scholl's starring the über gorg Heidi Klum.

Dreamwalk are super slim insoles that slide into your "meanie" heels and flats and make them feel as fab as they look.  The spot is called "Tame The Shoe" and that's Heidi holding some of the shoe monsters we created.  Check the spot out {here}.

*Still doing voice-over work.  You can hear my voice on a few spots out there now like Luvs, Elizabeth Arden and, the most glamorous, Playtex tampons!

*Playing in a new band!  It's called Tatters & Rags and we have 2 shows in Brooklyn this weekend. I had to learn 10 new songs in 2 weeks so, ya know...no sweat at all. {NERVOUS!!!}

*AND, I've also started WRITING. Like, "for reals" writing.  Mostly essays and short pieces, and inspired by all of you reading my blog posts all those years ago!  So thank you very much for the constant support and feedback. I am currently shopping a few pieces around, trying to get them published.  

*THE BIG NEWS: I won't be blogging anymore BUT BUT BUT! I started a new Facebook page that I would love you all to LIKE it for me [pretty pretty please!]

and also weigh in with comments and insights. 
It's called The Opinion Store- your one-stop shop for perspectives, rants, musings and...yeah, probably shopping. It's basically a place for me to write all the crazy lil' thoughts and ideas that spill out of my brain on the regular.  But in this forum, you can all comment back and it will be sooo much more fun!

So, tell all your friends and I can't wait to see y'all all there!

xoxoxo, 
Lindsey

Are you there, Blogosphere? It's me, Lindsey...

Oh, hi there. 
It's Lindsey.
You may remember me from such posts as My Bizarre Un-love Triangle, Three Times the Shady, or Disaster In Denver. 

At this point I'm averaging like 3 blog posts/decade, so I'm sure you're all totally engaged. But just in case anyone is still reading, here are some fun updates.

ME:
I'm doin' pretty dang well! I've definitely been on a see-saw the past few months trying to figure it all out, but I'm still in deep bliss with my man Ole Miss. That's about 7 mos and going strong, if you're out there counting. Plus tons of upcoming plans already made. Friend's wedding in Turks & Caicos, summer beach house in Kismet.  The future looks...dare I say...promising?  I dare not say anymore! 

BRAVO:
So...I made a random cameo appearance on the 2/14 episode of Bravo's "Watch What Happens Live" With Andy Cohen, (aka the show he made for himself) in case you've never seen it. A good, long-time friend called the night before the show asking if I could be the guest bartender on their Valentine's show, featuring Josh Duhamel and Julianne Hough. No bartending needed, just acting like a "sad, drunk girl eating food and insisting 'I'm totally fine.'"  So touched he thought of me.  And of course, how could I say no to that? 
Here's what they made me look like. 

Ole Miss said "God, you look like Courtney Love" upon receiving this picture text. I think that meant he was really proud.
And, apparently Josh Duhamel was mesmerized by my hideosity, since throughout the show he kept talking to me...or maybe he wanted to eat some of the 500 things I ate during the course of the show, including a raw S'mores PopTart?











Josh (I assume we're on a first-name basis after this show), also insisted I come and take a pic with them on a commercial break. 

Oh, and maybe instead of shaking Andy's hand at the end he came over to hug me instead? I think he really thought I was that drunk/sad/homeless...
Look out, Fergie.
*If you missed it, I don't think there's anywhere you can find the whole episode but there are some clips on the Bravo site and on Hulu.

FUNNY
Walking home from that taping (spoiler alert: it's not always live!) I saw I had a missed call and voicemail. Remember one of our blog favorites, Almost Doc? He was a recurring character that just wouldn't let go. He has sporadically texted and called intermittently over the last two years. I have never picked up or responded to anything. So, two days before Valentine's day (coincidence?), I get this message.
Almost Doc: "Texas Cowgirl, it's Dr. Almost Doc [that's right. He referred to himself as "doctor"-- is your lunch coming up yet?].  I miss you very much...I don't know why our relationship didn't work out, but i'm hoping that we could give it another shot. Call me." 
Ummm...OUR RELATIONSHIP?
We went on THREE dates.
TWO years ago.
Is this really happening? Like in real life?
It's almost too much to believe.  Gotta appreciate the guy's tenacity, but...c'mon. Seriously?!  I of course had to share with D-bots, who's always been a huge fan of his, at some points insisting I get a restraining order and this time, referring to his actions as "DEVILRY."  Hah. I miss you, Hotbot!

WANT MORE?
Amongst the ranks of former daters, such as The Streak, who is now a very close friend...and also engaged! Mazel Tov!, is SoCal. There are so many posts about both of them from the past that I couldn't decide on one to link them back to and figured you probably don't care anyway. 
SoCal is now a dad. I told you about the moment I found out about that here. But, I finally met his offspring a few weeks ago. She's almost 12 mos old and maybe one of the cutest things I've ever seen. Meeting her felt like having an out-of-body experience.  I also met his BabyMomma, whom I believe I once referred to as FakeBoobs McCougar. In hindsight, I feel pretty bad about that but in my defense, I didn't know her at the time as anything but a chick who surprised my friend with being knocked up. But, it takes 2 to horizontal tango, so I apologize for that name as she's very sweet and seems like a great mom. And SoCal is an AMAZING dad! He's totally in love with his little joy bundle and the whole thing is really nauseatingly cute.
We went for dinner after and had a great talk and he even gave me some good advice! It's so nice to stay friends with people you've once dated. 
Speaking of, my ex bf Champ and I have also reconciled our (his) differences and that also feels pretty great as well! It's hard to have someone who once meant so much to you suddenly vanish from existence just because your relationship didn't work out. So, today's lesson: 
Life is short. Amend what you can.  Even if you once made a voodoo doll of them and attempted to waterboard it.

BONUS:
My wonderful friend, D, is always sending me topical, interesting things that he thinks I will enjoy.  Today he sent this link and I think all of you will find it hits pretty darn close to home. 
Are Nicknames For The Men You Date Demeaning Or Just Good Fun?

Misses n' kisses!
-Lindsey

Help Sienna Fill The World With Beauty

Friends,

I will get back to hemming and hawing about my own non-important drivel soon, but today I implore to you read about, and if you can, help Sienna.

Sienna is a cherubic blonde toddler diagnosed with F.O.P just a month after her second birthday.  F.O.P is an extremely rare and debilitating medical condition where bone forms in muscles and other soft tissues of the body which can restrict movement. For those of you with small children, can you imagine keeping their movements restricted??
Unfortunately Sienna was no diagnosed until she experienced several months of flare-ups, starting at 20 months.

Take a look at this little doll and if you can find it in your hearts {and wallets} please give a little something to help Sienna and the others who suffer from F.O.P have a chance.

After all, 'tis the season...

{help sienna here}
xoxo

Greetings From The See-Saw

And by "see-saw" I mean "the insanity of my inner-brain."

I've always been a very analytical person.  Most writers are.  But in the past year I've become overly-analytical.  Hyper analytical, if you will.  

Why?  Well, I'm an information whore.  I need facts, details and to gather as much knowledge as possible about any situation I am in or have concern over.  

I've boiled it down to one basic thing:  

com·mu·ni·ca·tion

noun\kə-ˌmyü-nə-ˈkā-shən\:

1  : an act or instance of transmitting

2

a : information transmitted or conveyed

b : a verbal or written message

3

a : a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior <the function of pheromones in insectcommunication>; also : exchange of information

When Lindsey doesnt get enough of this, she does not do very well.  

She goes into her own head. Very very deep into it.

And apparently, she starts to talk in 3rd person.

And drive herself, and most of her friends/co-workers, insane.

I usually allow this insanity to play out for a brief period of time, after all an imagination is a terrible thing to waste.  Then, I try to ground myself by facing the fact that I am probably inventing a lot of things and nothing has anything to do with me.  And lastly, I always come back to this story my dear friend D once shared with me.  

I will now share it with you.

Her Diary/His Diary

Her Diary

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird.

We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said, 'Nothing' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed.

About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep -I cried.

I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

His Diary

Couldn't get the boat engine to start today, but at least I got laid.

And there you have it.  

I hope this helps all of you get off the see-saw time and time again.

Love Is A Merry-Go-Round.

A merry go round that ain’t always very merry.

Round and round we go.   Will we stop? We never know.

Same shit, different time.

Different day.

Different guy.

One minute you’re elated.

The next, fairly certain you might vomit.

Then, you’re exhilarated. “OMGEE THIS IS THE BEST RIDE EVERRRRR!”

Followed immediately by, “I’m scared, how the hell did we get here, get me the fuck off this fucking ride surely designed by the spawn of satan.”

Repeat. In cycles. Dizzy, dizzy cycles.

Me (to self): “Why do I keep getting on this thing?”

Why do we keep thinking the ride might be different this time? 

Sure, it’s in a different location.  And this merry-go-round is RED.  Our last one was blue.  Hell-O.  Like, soo different. Duh.

And it IS different.  Until it isn’t.  And then it is again.  I think?

Oh wait- am I just going around in circles here?

Somebody stop me. 

Stop the ride.

Stop it all.

I squint my eyes and wait for the spinning to cease.  The nausea to scram. My appetite to return.  And hopefully when it does, it only wants kale and nuts.  Why can't I ever just crave KALE??

But we still hold out hope.  We have to believe that maybe this turn, this ride is going to take us to a new place. 

And, if the stars align and luck wins out, we get to graduate to the next level.

I’ll see you on the see-saw. 

Back by popular demand

Well hello, hello blogosphereicals! 

I know. I know.  Where the hell have I been?

Thanks to all of you that wrote comments asking me to come back.  The 8 of you are really sweet. ;)

The truth is, I’ve missed you all. 

Missed writing. 

But Lindsey was in a reeeal dark place for a lil’ bit back there.  I guess having your first real heartbreak at 34 can stir some shit up.  Cause lemme tell you, that shit was stirred and stirred good!

I began to question EVERYTHING.

My life.

My job.

Where I lived.

My hair color (should I dye it? It’s still natural. And one of the only natural things I have left?)

My job. Yes, again. 

Should I get a dog?

My job. Again again.

Are all my jeans hitting my legs in an odd place and no one is telling me??

And so on…

Not to mention I had the post of being my sister’s Maid Of Honor (and sole wedding party member). So, in the midst of my Goth period, I had to plan a bachelorette lakehouse party for 12 in Austin, play mediator between my mom and sister, help with things for the wedding [like the song my sister wanted me to sing as a surprise—NO PRESSURE].  Write a speech for my only sibling {even less pressure}, find a dress, fight with my mom, and still try to go to work.

My ex bf Champ also decided to re-emerge during that time, calling for a truce and apologizing for being angry at me for TWO years when he realizes I was just “doing what I needed to do.”  We ended up meeting for dinner.  It did not go amazingly.

Then I got home to some Dad-issues (that have since been resolved).

And maybe I also, in a fit of insanity, agreed to let a Brit guy I met on my last work trip to London come to stay in my shoebox with me. FOR A WHOLE WEEK. And play tour guide to all things New York/American. I'm super smart sometimes.

Luckily, I also took the entire month of August off. You know, for mental sanity/not hurtling myself off my office balcony whislt crying “carpe diem!”  Or just whilst crying. Which I did. A LOT.  

And, somewhere in there, during one particular "why am I here again?" day at work, I decided to force myself to get back on Match.com.

See, I had been dating. Many guys.  None of whom weren’t 27. Or 28.  And I was over it.  But where the crap were the AA guys? 

Some ideas:

NO WHERE.

Invisible.

Gay.

Taken.

Hiding.

Hiding under a douche boulder.

In Boulder.

In Brookland.

In my imagination.

So I decided to give Match another try, only this time with rules: 

No meeting a guy unless I feel very good about his pics (in terms of “Am I attracted to you?”) and just as impornatly, do we have good chemistry via email/text or talking banter?  No to either is a no-go.  

The usual list of Dungeons and Dragons freaks, hobbits and grandpappys hit me up right off the bat.  But, once again, I went people shopping.  And, lucky lucky me.  I found Ole Miss. 

Who is  now (drumroll)……..my boyfriend.

That’s right.  I have a straight-up-now-tell-me BF.   

And he is maybe the best guy I have ever met.  I knew it from the beginning.  It took me awhile to leggo my Eggo and really fall in.  But fall I have. Or at least tripped and stumbled, Lindsey-style. 
I’m totally smitten, to the point I may very easily end up sinking my own battleship.  But I’m trying very hard to get out of my head, and stay out of it.

It’s been a solid 4 mos and we’re about to spend together:

-Both birthdays {Dec Sag twinsies!}

-Christmas with his fam in the New York area

-New Year’s in Colorado with my sis, hubs and friends

(not to mention a decent amount of money. Holiday travel—am I right?!)

"What does this mean for us readers?" you're undoubtedly asking. 

Well, I still have some pretty good stories from the past few months that my depressed fingers just couldn't seem to type out.  So maybe those will come up.

And, maybe I'll just write.  About what the hell ever.  And you can tell me if it sucks or not.  

IRREGARDLESS [not a word], today I give thanks for all of you and your support. 

To my amazing family.  

My fabulous friends, all from different ways and walks but all such incredible people I can’t believe how blessed I am.

And, for Ole Miss.

Everyone, please say a little prayer.  And feel free to have it start like this:

Please. Don’t f*k this up, Lindsey!

gobble gobble, y'all.

Don't Call It A Comeback...

Hello, amazingly patient and understanding blog readers [if I do, in fact, still have any of you.]


I'm Back.


"oh sure, Lindsey. Sure you are.  We're not falling for this again."


Right. I get it. But lemme tell you, it's been one shit-hurricane of a few months!  Yeeehaw.  I can't believe I even still have motor skills. 
I digress.
I'd like to start blogging again.  That is, if you'll keep reading?
I've actually had quite a few misadventures in the past few months and am working on writing a funny one right now.  So, it's going to be a gradual, step-by-step-Goose n' soda-in-hand kind of comeback.


BUT.


In my blog absence, I've been hugely into Instagram.  In fact, I rarely use the Facebooks these days.  So if you've managed to find me [all you Nancy Drews out there!] that's probably why I haven't friended you.  I hate it.
But 'the instas?' We LOVE.  So, I'd love it if you wanna follow me.
@linzfaryl is my name.
And, I'm attaching below a sampling of my fave instas (so hard to pick a few!) from the last few months.
Enjoy and I'll see you reeeal soon with the juice!

"Sexy Sue Goes to London"

"MIM commandeers our 'luxury' boat"

"Corn Man"

"Ad Prom"

"Untitled"

"The 1am Bacon Sammy. With mayo."

"Hey Lady"

"Rooftop Jammin' with BFWB & Friends"

"Happy 4th! Eat sand and die."

"Betrothed Sister Toast"

"Too much laughing, not enough oxygen"

"Pork knuckle"

"Backstage at 'Watch What Happens LIVE"

"Arsty as Fuck"

"Irish"

"When Guys Tell You How To Pose"

"You say tomato..."

"Tracking Graffiti Art Progress"

"Reacting To MIM's Driving"

"Frisbee for One"

That's it for now, sugarcakes! Hope you enjoyed and see y'all soon!