Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Dating story #71: From Flingtown, USA to Heartbreak Hotel.

Well, everyone. I'm back. 


And, sadly, not with good news.  


Alas, my 6 month relationship has ended.  Actually, it ended about 2 weeks ago and I haven't been able to write...or really do much ever since. 


If you can't tell, I'm pretty sad.  I really thought there was something there and, although he did too, looks like the timing is just not in our favor.  So, here we go with yet another of life's *delightful* setbacks: 
heartbreak


I know I've been married and in another serious relationship. And it was extremely hard when both ended. However, both times were my choice. This time? Well, I don't want to say I got "dumped." But he was the one struggling. And if something isn't working for one person, it's not working for anyone.  
He is definitely "in flux" at this time-- unsure of career moves and also life moves/relocating. My POV is that you can make anything work as long as you're in it together.  But apparently, I'm completely effing wrong. One thing that has helped immensely is a book a co-worker randomly suggested I read a few weeks ago, prior to the breakup even happening.
And--brace yourselves--it's written by Steve Harvey. 
Yes, I too think it odd that I've been running around proclaiming a relationship book written by a black, male comedian to be up there with the Bible in terms of advice, lessons and truth, but there it is. 
The first chapter alone [ps skip the prologue and go right to chapter one] had my eyes bugging out of my head and my head nodding, while trying to keep eyes in.
With real advice such as: "[If a man] hasn't lined up the who he is, the what he does, and hte how much he makes in the way that he sees fit, he can't possibly be to you what he wants to be. Which means that you can't really have the man you want. He can't sit around talking with you, or dream about marriage and family, if his mind is on how to make money, how to get a better position, how to be the kind of man he needs to be for you."
Want a little more? Here's the kicker:
"In my experience, these facts don't always sit well with most women. Many of you figure that if a man truly loves you, the two of you should be able to pursue your dreams together. {Yes! Get out of my head, Steve!!} Stability is important to you, but you'd rather build the foundation of your relationship together, no matter the man's station in life. This is honorable, but really, it's not the way men work. His eye will be on the prize, and that prize may not necessarily be you if he isn't up to where he wants to be in life. It's impossible for us to focus on the two-- we're just not that gifted, sorry."


Are you guys looking at this like- WHOA?


He goes on to say they don't necessarily have to be completely established or at the end of their road, so long as they are on the track to achieving their goals and they feel secure in their position.  You can find this simple bit o' genius {here}.
In hindsight, this makes so much f'ing sense I feel stupid. It's pretty much (in most ways) the reason NONE of my relationships have worked out thus far. Hmm. Maybe someone needs to adjust their picker, huh Lindsey?
Also feeling particularly horribleterrible right now due to total laryngitis which has meant 3 days of not talking. On the upside, I think I may be qualified to enter the convent soon.  This also comes with the unfortunate timing of me starting the BluePrint Juice Cleanse on Sunday--it was a gift from someone. I figured I've never been less interested in eating so why not do this now? GREAT idea, Lindsey.
-No voice.
-No food.
-No dude.
Somebody, hide the razors and STAT!


So, seeing as I'm a) back and b) a heartbreak virgin, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter. What's helped you get through? And more importantly, do you know any tall and STABLE men in this city that you'd like to set me up with? 
{just kidding}
{sort of}


xo

11 comments:

  1. Oh hell. I'm so sorry. I don't have any advice (you don't really want it, do you?) beyond having a good cry whenever you feel like it and lots and lots of ice cream...which you can't do. So really I'm no help. I just wanted to say I'm so sorry and it will get better.

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  2. So happy to hear from you again. So sorry you are sad. I wish I had some great advice like Steve Harvey but I have been married so long I don't know much else. You are awesome, I love your writing. Thanks for the update.

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  3. The first thing I thought when I saw your blog post pop up on my reader was, "Oh, goody!" and then, "Oh, no!". Sorry you're going through this right now.

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  4. I'm going through the same thing... been about two weeks as well. UGH. I don't know what to do. Eating my feelings isn't working. Let me know if you come up with anything :(

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  5. Time. Honestly, it's the only thing that will help. But hang out with friends and try and keep yourself busy. Again though, just time. Like I said, it's the only thing that works. I went through this about 6 months ago (had a hard time going to bed... didn't want to turn the light out because I knew I'd start thinking about him) and I can honestly say, I feel 100% better now. Hang in there.

    - Stephanie

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  6. I love your blog and I'm so sorry you're hurting right now. I will say this though... don't hide the razors, because then you'll still have no voice, no food and definitely won't have any dude because you'll be all hairy :) (I hope that made you at least chuckle)! I hope you start to feel a bit better soon!!

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  7. Honey, am hugging you with my mind. We will have a rock & roll date with rock & roll outfits soon, kk? xxx

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  8. Love that book! I actually got it after a rough break up of my own, and it was a godsend. It's definitely one of those tough to swallow type books, and yet at the same time, helps you realize that it ISN'T, in fact, YOU that is the problem.
    As much as it sucks right now, it has to get better, right? (I know, I don't know if I believe that either, but you hotta have hope!) If it's any consolation, there are tons of us that are in your shoes and hearing your stories is an awesome support!
    Hey, at least you aren't dating caveman Ben Flajnik. Blegh!

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  9. Aww. I'm sorry that you are sad. Cheer up! :)

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