Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Dating Story #64, The Big Van Part Deux

You wanted it?
You're getting it!

The stirring conclusion to The Big Van



Let's pick up where we left off, shall we?
So, me n' Van, who are already several sheets to the wind, have about 2 more hours to kill before the show. 
But, the show must go on. And go on, it did.  
We went to a cool place nearby and settled in at the bar. Van is one of those people who likes to talk to any/all random people around us, which always makes for an interesting time.  All was fine and good when we were sticking to beer.  Then, Van, enticed by the mixologist bartender shaking up colorful concoctions, decided we should "try some o' them fun whiskey cocktails!"  
Batter UP!
The rest is [not shockingly] a bit hazy.  We headed to the venue to see a CRAZY SHOW by a half-naked fat dude screaming at me from a stage.  Apparently, I wasn't as well-versed in their tunes as I thought...
After we'd had our fill of hopping [yes HOPPING] around the floor for 45 mins, whilst feverishly avoiding the "PIT," Van leaned over and gave me the signal to get the hell out. 
During the show, he had gotten significantly more touchy with me, and we stumbled out of the venue holding hands, probably to keep each other from falling on our faces.  
Wanna know what's the most BANANAS part?
I was the more sober one.
That's right. ME.
[God help us all.]
My New Yorker instincts took over and I chased us down a cab back to his house. I didn't fully realize how wastoided Van was at that juncture until we got back to his place and resumed our positions on the couch.  Only this time, his leg massage got slightly more aggressive. 
We had a slurry conversation in which he told me he thought I was "garrgeous" and "soo beaaaufull."
So I told him "I've had a giant crush on you for EIGHT years!" 
He said "ditto."
And then...I waited. And waited. And...yeah, waited.
Finally, feeling exhausted and in an expeditious mood I yelled:
"If you don't hurry up and kiss me, I'm gonna SMACK you!!"
He obliged.
Guess he doesn't think of me as a dude, huh?
We proceeded to walk up the death stairs to his bedroom and get cozy'd up in bed. And then?
I laughed, went to wash up and spent a delightful night in the strong, spooning arms of the longest-running, unrequited crushe of my existence.
To say it felt great is a gigundo understatement!
I did have my worries about how things would be the next morning. What would he remember? Would it be totes awky? 
Luckily, I'm fairly certain Van was still half-intoxicated the next morning and when he finally awoke from his coma and returned from the bathroom, he pounced into the bed, stuck his nose into my shoulder and exclaimed "You smell like delicious!"
[cue giant silent sigh of relief]
So we had a nice, cuddly morning in Vancouver and when our heads had [mostly] stopped pounding in hangover protest, we dragged our asses out of bed and went to start our day's plans, which consisted of brunch followed by him taking me on a lovely ride on his boat to this little island he's told me about several times.
Once at brunch, Van took a turn for the worse. And then continued to experience what I like to call the "Hangover Waves." It's when you're wickedly hungover and, then you feel kinda better....and, then...NOT.  Repeat!
So this continued throughout the day, and I felt so bad for him.  It was truly like he had lost his "sparkle." He managed to still take me out on the boat and did the best he could, but something felt like it was missing. Like the minute we left his house that morning, the "magic" was gone and we were just back to friends.
I also think he has a lot going on in his life and some strange residual stuff with his ex-gf. Who knows.
And really, does it matter?
He lives in Canada. I live in NYC. And I see none of that changing anytime soon.
But we had a blast together and, in a strange way, I feel like I can "check that box" now {ooh, so many wrong jokes you could insert here!}, and keep moving on.
It was a fun, last minute fling-y idea and I'm glad I did it.

Oh yes, my friends. I am WEEKS behind on Adventures and/or MISadventures to tell you!
Thank you for reading and encouraging me to write.
I love writing this blog and telling you all my moronical stories, so I'm so glad you like reading them!
I only wish I had more time to TELL you all of them, but never fear. They are coming. Slowly, and surely.  You know, just the way you like it...

[cue single eyebrow raise]

Stay tuned! Hopefully more stories will be here soon! If anyone wants to do my advertising job so I have more time to write, please contact me anytime.

until then...I am not even spell-checking this and will have to add pics later!


  1. Ahh! You keep me waiting this whole time and you don't even give me a 10 minute reader? Guess I have no choice but to wait for the rest of your adventures. Yep, they are adventures to me! Love the blog and your story telling. :) I'll be waiting.

  2. Love the updates!
    On an unrelated note, I also work in Advertising, and am thinking it might be time for a change. Any open slots at your agency? What kind of work do you do?

  3. ha, you are too much fun! I want to be friends! please?