Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Dating story #54, The Food Dude.

Hello, gorgeouses!  
Aren't you proud of me for blogging again? Yes, I deserve a medal indeed. 

Let's pick up where we left off, shall we?  
After Thursday's late night shenanigans, I was quite the pooped party girl. I just had a smidge of work to do, some afternoon voice auditions and then had plans to meet up with MIM at the audition and treat ourselves (and my hangover) with Shake Shack. For the second time that week. Yep.
Meanwhile, a Match.com guy who'd I'd been attempting to meet for a drink texted asking if we were still on for drinks that night. Oops. Forgot about that one. But I said yes, not wanting to break plans and also knowing I'd have no other time since I was beach bound.
After shakin' the shack, MIM and I were in stage 4 food coma. It wasn't pretty. And, neither was I. Nor did I have any desire to a) meet a new guy b) have a personality c) drink. But, I took a disco nap and rallied. And, I'm glad I did.
We met up in west soho and he was already at the bar which I love so I can size them up without them seeing. It's a beautiful thing really.

He was cute. Cute-almost-hot-cute.  AMAZINGLY thick head of hair. And I liked his style, which is always kind of crucial to me.  Of course I can work with most things, but when a guy has great style it's a total turn-on.  We'll call this one Punz.
So we began our drinks date. He was a bit subdued and he finally admitted he'd had a rager the night before too! At least the playing field was even. And, after a few drinks, it was even better.  We relaxed and had good conversation.  I couldn't tell if he was really into me or not, but we were having a good enough time. 
Then, we started talking about our mutual love for food. And it was ON.  The more we talked about food, the more hungry he got.  So he suggested we move the date to a nearby restaurant. I was into it, so off we went.  We cozy'd up next to each other in a booth and had a great time deliberating over the menu and what dishes we'd share. He was already kissing me before our first course even came! I like this move.  And, I liked him.  So far, what a pretty good match date!
He lives almost upstairs from the resto and asked if he could grab his dog for a walk and take him to a nearby dive that allows dogs.  I love dogs, so I was all about it.  Plus, I had seen pics and was dying to see this dog.  What. A. Cutie!
Hunter. A-dorbs!
Man, a dog is such a way to my heart. Well, 'cept for when they eat my FAVORITE SIGERSON MORRISON HEELS, like SoCal's dog did. [awesome]
Luckily, I have a great shoe guy. 
Anyway, it was an awesome night and, as far as first meeting/dates go, one of the best.  He asked when he could see me again and I volunteered Monday when I'm back from the beach.  I think he may have mentioned we should cook together, but I honestly had so much wine at dinner, I was lucky I could still walk. Sure enough, he texted the next day and locked me down for dinner Monday night, AND confirmed time with me Monday am.  I like a guy who, you know, actually does the things he says he's going to.  What a novel concept!
So, I timed it yesterday to get back from the beach, get to the grocery store for my dinner items (already planned out), get home to shower and beautify and begin to prep some dinner stuff so I wasn't leaving it all for when he got there.
He also wrote and asked if he could bring the dog, which I was totally down with.
Meanwhile, my good friend's housekeeper was looking for some extra work last week while my friend was out of town. I've had this woman clean my place a time or two and she's CRAZY good. She literally gets into every crevasse, however she moves things around and that kinda bugs me.  But my friend communicated to her to leave things in their place and I figured it would be great to come home from the weekend to a spotless apt. Also perfect timing for having a date over. Except...NOT.
I walked in to a practically unrecognizeable apartment.
Shit that goes in one room was in another. Things above my microwave were in my bathroom. I started to panic.  And, swear like a sailor. At the top of my lungs.
It literally took me an hour of cleaning [and cursing] to get my apartment back to looking like my apartment, leaving little time to shop and pretty myself up. Afterall, it's only date #2. I have to ensure that it wasn't just a drunken fluke!
I ran to Whole Paycheck to get groceries only to find a shit-show of shoppers since it was now 6p instead of the originally intended 5p.  Second piece of great news? They didn't have the halibut steak I had planned my whole menu around.
I think at that point I stood still in one spot for at least 4 minutes wondering a) why the universe hates me and b) what the hell to make!  I got my act together, figured it out and got outta there, running home like a madwoman with groceries in flip-flops so I could have enough time to shower and shave my legs (ahhhh I hate shaving in a hurry!). I decided I better start drinking wine so I could calm the F down, as I continued to curse this cleaning wench at every turn (where's my shampoo? why is my soap in a cabinet? all my hair tools are unplugged and wrapped up and it's taking AGES to undo them. AHHH).
But, somehow, I made it work.
Punz and doggie showed up with wine as I was concocting in the kitchen and he said "Ooh, I love seeing you in the kitchen. That's hot."  Ok, great. So far, so good.
He began looking at all my bestie pics I have on my fridge, commenting, etc.  Suddenly, I look over and WHAM! Cleaning wench has found a pic of my ex bf Champ and so thoughtfully tacked it up on the fridge with the others!!!!!! AHHHHHH.
Yeah, I know. In hindsight, he could've been anyone. I was just so shocked by it that I snatched it off and threw it in a cabinet.  WHYYY DOES SHE DO THESE THINGS??????
The rest of the night went really well. He loved the dinner and said he'd clean after we relaxed for awhile. Of course, relaxing led to smooching which led to lateness which led to me excusing him from that chore.  I will say, I was worried about having him over to my apt on a second date, since I've been trying [TRYING] to negate my slumber party tendencies.  But this guy had ZERO presumption about sleeping over. In fact, he left on his own accord and I was really impressed by that! Maybe I've actually met a not sludgebucket of a guy? 
After he left, I happily cleaned up my apt and went to get into bed.  I reached down for my phone charger, always next to my bed and found it to be missing. I couldn't remember if I had taken it to the beach but then I realized I hadn't. "Did this dumb b*tch put my f*cking cord away too?" was the thought in my mind?  I opened the top drawer of my nightstand and, of course, there it was. Wrapped up neatly. That makes sense. Who would need to have a phone charger readily accessible to them, right?
Then, a sickening thought crossed my mind.  
That was the TOP drawer. 
Did she dare venture into the BOTTOM drawer? You know. The NAUGHTY NIGHTSTAND drawer?
[C'mon. Don't act shy. We ALL have them.]
I squinted my eyes shut and then tentatively, slowly pulled it open.
It may have well said "CLEANING WENCH WAZ HERE" stamped on it.
overhead view of the naughty nightstand drawer
Allow me to share with you a crude drawing representation of it.
-Battery operated devices perfectly lined up like soldiers.
-"Protective items" arrayed in neat patterns.
It's bad enough that she's seen all my dirty little secrets.
But, did she CLEAN them?
I shudder to think this.

And that, my friends, is all I have for you today.

I'd like to think it's more than enough. 



  1. Wow, reading about the crazy cleaning woman and the naughty nightstand drawer really made my day!

  2. First, your blog is the highlight of my day. Second, I may have just laughed out loud at work. Let's hope all she did was organize them...

  3. OMG, CLASSIC. I'm not sure what I love more, the fact that she organized your naughty drawer, or that you drew us a picture of the contents. haha. This guy sounds like a great catch so far! I really hope he sticks around!

  4. This reminds me of when Miranda first hires Magda on SATC. So funny when she opens the nightstand drawer and finds the Virgin Mary statue instead. So count yourself lucky on that one!
    PS, this guy sounds fab. Love him already!

  5. Becca, I completely had that same thought about Magda. Oh well. I'd like to think she's probably seen worse. And honestly, I don't really care WHAT people see. I just care when I KNOW they saw it. Sigh...
    As for the guy, we'll see what his next move is. For some reason, I'm wondering if he's gonna pull a Houdini...

  6. I am cracking up! What did you end up cooking? Glad it went well! xoxo

  7. Totally thinking what Becca was thinking! Hilarious!

  8. The drawing really helped me understand your situation better, so thank you! Although I find it strange that she wouldn't just open and close the drawer after seeing the contents. Guess I'd be a different kind of cleaning woman, if I were one.
    Punz sounds like he has great potential! Can't wait to hear more.
    ps. LOVE your blog. It's so highlarious!

    And a great 2 days with this gent.

  10. Punz didn't get in your drawers, but Magda II sure did. Hilarious.